N. Korea—The Glorious Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong Un, announced today his country has a bomb capable of annihilating several American fictional cities. Jong Un stated, “We can now take out Springfield, South Park, and Toon Town with impunity. Our delivery range and new missile system is vastly improved over the Limp Dong I and the Limp Dong (and explodes on the rocket pad) II. Gotham and Metropolis are also now at our mercy. We have watched your Avengers closely and we are prepared for any counterattack from Iron Man and his minions. My country has also not ruled out striking Narnia, Middle-Earth and the Kingdoms of Westoros. Although, I may hold off on Westoros until we find out if Jon is okay. Spoiler alert! In short, my country can blow a place like Bedrock back to the stone age!”
The General who attempted to correct Jong Un on his Flintstone faux pas was simultaneously set on fire and shot (first offense).
Gotham City’s Commissioner Gordon responded, “Gotham won’t be intimidated by crazy foreign people, accept maybe some of our taxi drivers. I mean, Holy shit! We will be ready for any and all aggressions. Remember, Gotham isn’t just the city that never sleeps, it’s actively hallucinating.” In Kim Jong Un’s honor, Gotham plans to keep the batshit signal on all week and flags will be flown at half-assed.
Springfield tycoon C. Montgomery Burns also fired back today, literally, as Parts of Jong Un’s palace are currently ablaze. Mr. Burns pointed a giant death ray, that he rented from Dr. Evil, at the North Korean capital. Mr. Burns told reporters, “I finally found the ON button on that infernal contraption and I also released the flying monkeys. Not sure if they’ll ever reach North Korea, but it was worth a try.”
In related news, Hundreds of Flying Monkeys Destroy Local Denny’s!
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