Dear Ghetto Shaman,

I have studied the mystical path for over ten years and I am still riddled with anxiety.  I am worried people are going to find out my fondness for women’s clothing.  I try so hard to meditate, but yoga and tai chi just can’t separate me from my fears.  I have fears about the recent economic downturn, fears about my girlfriend finding out my secret, fear of, well, everything.  I need a Shaman.  I need your guidance.

Jack Mendelsen

Kenosha, WI

Dear Jack,

You are afraid of people discovering your fondness for women’s clothing, one Jack Mendelsen of Kenosha, Wisconsin?  I am sure your secret is safe (moron).  Look, self-transformation often involves a pair of fishnets and stilettos.  It does for me, anyway. As for fear…Just Stop!  Fear is the enemy.  Anxiety is crippling our society.  You must move beyond your fears.  The level of fear in the United States today scares the living shit out of me!  Hmmm, Living Shit the Mystical Pooh…maybe a book idea in there somewhere.

The Ghetto Shaman