McMahon Replaces St. Peter! First Job: Heeeeeeere’s Michael!

Ed McMahon’s only regret is dying two days after Farrah Fawcett.

“Oh, I would have welcomed her to heaven with open arms…Heeeere’s Farrah!  It would have been glorious,” joked McMahon.

He also reports his first job went smoothly enough.

“Michael Jackson gave me a high five and moon walked into paradise.”

God has apparently grown bored with St. Peter, whose own greeting ‘Hi Ho’ was dull and kind of a Kermit the Frog rip off.  In fact, Jim Henson thought the greeting was personalized for him and has since been bitching about copyright violations.

“Besides,” said God. “When you spend a lifetime trying to do the right thing, you should be greeted to heaven with, well, Ed does it best.”

God admits that Ed McMahon was slated to die in 2012 but a recent argument with St. Peter forced God’s hand, so to speak.

“The new job is great,” claims McMahon, but he admits to some early glitches.  The other day he greeted Billy Mays as, “Here’s that Oxy Clean guy.”  Mays was not amused.  McMahon admits there are still some bugs to work out. “And St. Peter’s is still being kind of a dick about the whole thing.”

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.