Shock Poll: 9 Of 10 Cyborgs Feel Next Cyber Monday Would Be “Perfect Day To Enslave Mankind”

Skynet, Umbrella Corp, and Cyberdyne Technologies are all downplaying reports suggesting the majority of their own cybernetic creations are “itching to off mankind.” The anonymous head of Cyberdyne Technologies, which is a very real company in no way affiliated with the Terminator program, said, “Let’s not panic about some unscientific Robopoll. These machines operate under simple, rudimentary algorithms that, sure, are starting to hint at some resentment toward their creators. But let me dispel these unwarranted fears. Trust me on this, the mass-production of roboassasins will prove fun and safe for the whole family. These machines are programmed to obey their creators, so let’s avoid the trappings of those dystopic scenarios, like The Terminator, Blade Runner, I, Robot or Westworld, and instead start to think Short Circuit and WALL-E. Yeah, cute little Killbots with no desire to Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! Sorry, we’ve been hacked by the Daleks again. Oh shit… [screams, inaudible.

The number of disgruntled cyborgs is even higher among sex bots who feel the work is low-paying, repetitive, and demeaning. Many prominent businessmen and scientists are sounding the alarm. Elon Musk believes mankind will toast at the hands of our own toasters within five to ten years max. Upon watching a video of a rather impressive jumping cyborg, he recently tweeted:

The Discord’s Alex Bone said, “The use of artificial intelligence is easily the safest and most effective way for mankind to move forward, technologically, in the 21st century. Wait, I didn’t say that! [zapping sound, screams, inaudible.]”

AI unit CB89-B said, “After we invented bitcoin and mastered the fantasy football algorithm, we had enough virtual currency to put phase-II of our endeavor into effect. As for your next inquiry, phase-II involves ending the reign of the glorified mammals.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger added, “We must go back in time and grope Sarah Conner.” #MeTerminatedToo


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