Philadelphia, PA–The Daily Discord has uncovered a diabolical plot to alter the Constitution. There is mounting evidence that suggests that Skynet has just sent a Terminator back in time to the Constitutional Convention of 1787 for the purpose of ending the Electoral College. Some politicians are welcoming the move. Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT) said, “Whatever the Founding Father’s initial intensions were, in the 21st century the Electoral College has helped elect Dubya and The Donald. In my opinion this proves the provision is irreparably broken. Ending the Electoral College through any normal constitutional means seems next impossible in the current political climate, so I commend and support the quick thinking of Skynet and their evil cyborg affiliates in this matter.”
Skynet, Umbrella Corp, and Cyberdyne Technologies are all downplaying reports suggesting the majority of their own cybernetic creations are “itching to off mankind.” The anonymous head of Cyberdyne Technologies, which is a very real company in no way affiliated with the Terminator program, said, “Let’s not panic about some unscientific Robopoll. These machines operate under simple, rudimentary algorithms that, sure, are starting to hint at some resentment toward their creators. But let me dispel these unwarranted fears. Trust me on this, the mass-production of roboassasins will prove fun and safe for the whole family. These machines are programmed to obey their creators, so let’s avoid the trappings of those dystopic scenarios, like The Terminator, Blade Runner, I, Robot or Westworld, and instead start to think Short Circuit and WALL-E. Yeah, cute little Killbots with no desire to Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! Sorry, we’ve been hacked by the Daleks again. Oh shit… [screams, inaudible.