Manhasset, NY—Late last night, water crystallized in the freezer of one, Jack Stellar.
“It happened almost overnight,” said Stellar, “as if someone didn’t shut the freezer door properly.”
When asked, the 37 year old, live-alone bachelor had no idea who that someone might be.
The next morning the situation became so dire that closing the freezer door became next to impossible. Stellar described his freezer as resembling an “arctic ice cave.” Mr. Stellar told reporters several food items are now hopelessly entombed in a fortress of frozen water.
“There’s a Ben & Jerry’s in there,” said Stellar. “I’m not sure what’s going to happen to it. No one is giving me any answers. Luckily the ice cube trays were already empty, or this could have been much worse.”
Stellar reports mounting several expeditions into the freezer today, but he only managed to bend several spoons, most irreparably.
When asked if he had learned anything from this mishap, Stellar said, “Yeah, don’t call 911. Even the fate of a perfectly good Cherry Garcia is apparently not deemed an emergency by crisis personnel.”
Matt Drudge and Fox News are already jumping on the incident and calling it yet another blow to the theory of Global Warming. Al Gore was unavailable for comment.