Pyongyang, NK—According to both Washington and Pyongyang “the race is on!” Earlier today Kim Jong Un contacted the Governor of Arkanasas, Asa Hutchinson, and challenged him to a contest. Just as a missile exploded across Un’s private launch pad on the south lawn of Un Manor, the God of North Korea told Hutchinson, “How about round two, Arkansas? You try to execute as many people as you can this week and I will fail to launch as many missiles as I can. How many people can you set on fire or leave gagging for hours on a gurney? I can watch missiles explode all day, Governor. All day! (maniacal laughter.) Oh, It’s on, bro! The winner gets to run through Trump Tower naked.”
Un followed his initial statement with, “Not only will I mess up a bunch of missile launches, but I will then kill way more rocket scientists than you can execute criminals. In your face! No really, one of my missiles is called ‘In Your Face.’ I am winning, not that small-handed ignoramus. He is Charlie Sheen winning, which is a different beast altogether. You will feel my wrath! No really, one of my other missiles is called ‘Feel My Wrath’.”
Governor Hutchinson has informed North Korea that his state is up for the challenge, but is requesting the ‘loser’ of this competition be forced to run through Trump Tower naked.
Donald Trump reacted by calling this race “troubling”. President Trump then warned the Governor that losing this wager is a matter of national security and could indirectly impact the health insurance coverage of tens of thousands his residents. This veiled threat arrived in the form of a presidential tweet: