My first beef is with the Community Organizer & King who decided to listen to Hillary I-was-just-starting-to-like-her Clinton instead of Robert nailed-it-as-Secretary-of Defense Gates (but keep in mind, even Rommel would look good after Rumsfeld).  Obama probably thought: hell, the Clintons want action in Libya and so does McCain.  So we need to act…   Normally this would be logical, but what in the last decade has been normal?  Certainly not my blood pressure. 

What I saw of CNN’s coverage of Libya was responsible.  The questions ranged from: what role will we play to on whose authority have we taken action in the first place?  As of now, my understanding, which jives with CNN’s, is we are bombing some sites in Libya to enforce the UN resolution for a no fly zone…that’s it (at least as of 3/20).  Then I turn to my favorite source for misinformation, and this Justice Janine lady—kooky even by Fox standards—is discussing the situation with some neocon hawks (oh shock).  They’re talking about joining forces with the rebels and killing Kaddafi. Yes, Judge Judy, or whatever the hell her name is, was calling for the death of Kaddafi.   Now, I admit this thought crossed my mind as well, it sure crossed Reagan’s, but according to Fox News that’s what we are trying to do, already, today, as U.S. policy.  The mission—in their increasingly delusional world view—is to join forces with the rebels and kill Kaddafi.  Sure that might happen, but it’s not the mission today.  

And why are they all so gung ho to make foreign mistake blunder #3 anyway?   Are they crazier than I thought?  Oh, that’s right, wars don’t impact deficits. 

And the French are leading the attack!  Unacceptable!  We need to be doing all the world’s army stuff, dammit. We’re Americans (with an armed service paid for by China).  It’s our job to undo whatever Obama has done to quell WWIII.  We need to fire up all that anti-Arab sentiment again, or else we don’t feel safe. Let’s be clear, Obama did something arguably stupid, but that never stops the right from wanting to double down on that stupid.  They stick to the script.

To justify this action in Libya, without a congressional vote, Obama said he cannot stand by when a brutal dictator attacks his own people, or some such. 

OK, when you get done attacking, taking over, occupying, and reconstructing the other several dozen countries that also meet that criteria…um, what will our budget look like then? I had a similar question for Bush during Shock & Awe. If we do this alphabetically, by the time we get to Yemen, the United States will be Somalia.  Hey, wait a minute, I always wanted to be a pirate!  This is going to be awesome! 

Wait, I know how we’ll pay for this; Republicans are currently cutting a program that feeds homeless Veterans.  Yep, that oughtta do it.  As usual, they only see half the picture, but at this point their picture is an image of the world so distorted even Hunter S. Thompson can’t make heads or tails of it. 

Now, as soon as Obama took action, you could see all of the Foxeteers start back peddling. They call him a wuss, pressure him into action, and then start immediately questioning that action once he initiates it.  Patriots, not that different from pirates these days.

Wait, back to Fox…some sort of apology is in order.  Judge Justice just figured it all out.  Her guest, some McFarland lady, a National Security Analyst, is explaining our actual role in Libya.  She explained that we’re not trying to kill Kaddafi today.  Whew! Save, and a beauty, and just in the nick of time too; her show is nearly over.  I still blame those two military personnel for not setting her straight during that last segment.  Normally I only watch Fox in short shifts, like those Fukushima engineers on reactor duty, but today, feeling somewhat masochistic, I watched this whole frigging show.  Ask your doctor if Atenelol is right for you.

A Special Comment to King Obama:

When we are not being directly attacked, and you need to figure out the best course of action, dawdle away, pal.  Take as long as you need. Just because the right equates any pause to weakness doesn’t mean you shouldn’t think things through. Republicans are trying desperately to kill: people, our budget, and your credibility.  Oh, and they just love any excuse to increase our defense budget (you know, for when 50% of the world’s defense spending just isn’t enough).

Thanks to W, you have been given the ability—and apparently the right—to go to war however wherever and whenever you want, without anyone else’s approval.  That’s fine. I have already come to terms with this fact because I, unlike most of my fellow Americans, have been paying attention.  But you need to stop listening to the stupid.  I have much, much, much more confidence in Robert Gates than I do Hillary Clinton on matters of defense.  Defense is in his friggin’ title, Sunshine.  You needed to listen to him on this one. Oh, and if Rush Limbaugh and his Tard Army are on board, that’s a pretty big clue you’re barking up the wrong occupation.  To put it in perspective, it’s a Colonel-Mustard-in-the-dining-room-with-the-lead-pipe kind of clue.  On that note, besides budgetary issues, if you did the opposite of whatever the Limbaugh Nation is suggesting, you’re probably good.

The right prefers to rush to Limbaugh…sorry, I mean rush to war, invade the wrong country, and generally fuck things up. It’s their way.  Bush was decisively wrong on just about everything he ever did.  A real American.  And the same idiots who backed him are now pressuring you into making the same poor decisions.   Unlike some, I do not think this is the worst decision you have ever made in office—brown and taupe for the oval office!  Really? But your level of engagement on this little project is crucial.  It may become your worst decision if we get mired in Middle Eastern country number three,  so take a deep breath…and then change those damn curtains.

Listen to Robert Gates, Mr. Community Organizer.  As a community organizer myself, I would listen to him on defense issues.  Sure, I too can raise money for mental health awareness during a bake sale like no one’s business, but I think I’d leave the whole war plan thingie to the military guy.  Gates is, perhaps, the best decision you ever made…but taupe? Dude!  It’s so close to beige you can smell it.

Oh, and always listen to what Christopher Hitchens has to say; he should be an adviser, or if nothing else a regular read.  He’s like Fox News minus the stupid.  With Hitchens, you will get the best case for action on any hawkish foreign policy decision.  When I read a Hitch article over on Slate Magazine, I’m ready the nuke the fucking Amish. 

As for the rest on the right wing, drown them out. Anyone on Fox or any Republican candidate has been cognitively compromised long ago.

They have the right to be uninformed, but, as president, you don’t have to listen to them.  If left to the Foxeteers, Congress wouldn’t have to vote for war either…it would be a popularity contest.   By a show of hands, who would like to bomb Syria?  And the answer would invariably be “let’s bomb anyone we deem scary” or the Juan Williams Effect (JWE).  JWE…an acronym bordering on anti-Semitism.  Kidding, Juan!  It’s anti-Semitic.

Listen to the right if you must, but don’t let them cloud your judgment.  Do what you think is right…er, unless it’s war, in which case Congress is supposed to have a say (you know, back in the days when we had a Constitution). 

And please, nothing else in the beige family.

A Special Comment to the Patriotards:

We could not lead the action in Libya primarily because we still have little to no credibility on the world stage—mostly due to YOUR  voting records!  Second, it’s debatable whether we should have acted at ALL.  Not to mention the fact, we’re all still recovering from our last imperial president’s actions.  If you remain this uninformed on foreign policy, stop voicing your opinion all together.  Keep it to yourself! Think about it like this, it’s not your opinion anyway, so what are you really losing?

We’re all toast. I can’t argue anymore, Mikko. To paraphrase the Grateful Dead, we’re all goin’ to hell in a hand basket, but where I beg to differ with Mr. Garcia is this: I am NOT enjoyin’ da ride.  The 28 days of February saw the U.S. borrow a record 266 billion dollars. That’s more than most presidents’ YEARLY deficit!   In fact, that’s more than most of the Discord contributor’s combined bar tabs…or pretty darn close.

And, yes Mikko, that’s why I said MOST presidents.  Notice I also said MOST Discord contributors (you and the Shaman might skew that score).  But, what is Washington all fired up about? They replaced the paper cups with Styrofoam?  Oh the horror.  Then the Dems threaten to sue the Republicans if they get cancer from them? We need to reduce the deficit by gazillions of frigging dollars. I don’t care if you assholes have to eat off plutonium plates at this point.

Here’s the great budget debate of 2011, summarized for your enjoyment:

Step 1: The GOP decides they want to cut $61 billion

Step 2: Obama downgrades that to $6 billion (which, according to math whiz Geithner, really only entails dropping the one).

Step 3: Then Democrats in the Senate double down on the stupid, “Hows ’bout $4.7 billion?”

Step 4: Then this pill on Capitol Hill goes to Congress, where a handful of newbies are flitting around yelling how the shit is hitting the fan.  And, with pieces of shit actually hitting their faces, everyone else in Congress “poo-poos” the idea (I do apologize for that one.  Just be thankful the faces-feces one was omitted).

I think they finally settled on cutting 6 dollars and 87 cents (probably from my paycheck).

Look up the words “Don’t Get It” in the dictionary and you will find a picture of our current Congress.

Uhhhh, we have a 14 trillion dollar shortfall, folks.  Really, that’s all you could muster?  And Harry ‘kill the prostitutes’ Reid argued on the Senate floor on how unbelievable it was that the meanies at the GOP want to defund the North Nevada Cowboy Poetry Festival (NNCPF).  No shit. I can’t make this stuff up—well, I could but in this case I didn’t have to.

Gas is up near four dollars a gallon. The Mideast is all F-d up. Donald ‘It Ain’t Not A Hairpiece’ Trump had it right.

As his hair waved hello to us in the wind, he recently stated in an interview: “Just when we are starting to dig our way out of a recession by ourselves, the powers that be will figure out a way to screw it up.”

Boy, was he right.

No permits issued for drilling, even though they found a crap load of oil in North Dakota. Have you ever been to North Dakota?

The six people that live there said, “Sure, go ahead & drill.  Just leave the cash by the trailer door.”

Oh, and not one permit issued for a nuke plant since the movie China Syndrome aired in the seventies (a slight exaggeration, but amusing nevertheless). We have a nuke here on the surface of the sun (Arizona), and it works just peachy. No fumes, no glow in the dark creatures, nutin’, just power, cheap power. I have been there many times, and have never seen anything resembling a Homer Simpson working there. A bunch of them do look like Willie Nelson, though, which is almost as bad.

Natural Gas (ppffft). The U.S. has enough Natural Gas to fart-power whole star systems but there is one problem (besides the smell). No permits issued for new drilling. Safe for the environment, clean, efficient? Nah, we don’t want any of that now, do we?  Too easy.

Not one new oil refinery built in twenty years. Even if we did get more oil, we can’t refine it. Have you ever seen the ones we have? Go to southern Louisiana. Sadly, I have. Looks like Mad Fucking Max was filmed there. (They should have let Lake Ponchartraine reclaim Orleans, but that’s another rant.)

Remember, you wouldn’t have to actually drill for anything. Just say you are, and the day traders will drop the price of oil like a DUI trying to ditch his Thunderbird bottle as the trooper approaches the vehicle.

And another thing, everyone in Washington wants to know the secret to job production. Just what is it we need to do? The answer? NOTHING!

No really, don’t DO shit. When they DO shit, it costs us money. They take in three dollars for every one they “invest” (their new code word for spend). The top earning 49% of the people in the U.S. pay nearly 90% of the taxes. The top 5% pay over 25%. A FULL 51% pay NO taxes at all! Can you say “Flat Tax?” I knew ya could.  Even Mikko agrees with this one. Even it all up. If you earn a buck, you pay tax. Period. We all pay the same %, and we all (meaning those of us that actually PAY taxes) will pay much less. Now THIS is MY kind of REDISTRIBUTION of wealth.

As for Madison, WI, unions are a victim of their own greed and stu-fucking-pidity. They took a good thing and ruined it. They will never recover, because the feline has not only jumped out of the eco-friendly shopping sack, it’s working in a sweat shop in China. To review the union phenomenon, we all pay taxes so they can have benefits we will never have (Oops. heh heh, sorry), while adding a hefty pay grade that sends all of our manufacturing to various Pacific Rim environs.

I was a union member for 25 years. At that time, in that business, they were a necessity. I am angry at today’s union leaders. The old Jewish guys that ran mine would eat these newbies for lunch.

To top off everything that’s wrong with this country, they got Julianne Moore to play Sarah Palin in an upcoming pic on the ’08 election. Geeh, Hollywood will surely be non-partisan, right? They better pad her up some. Old Sarah “the other white meat” Palin has some front to go with that back.

By the way, this last item was the straw that broke the Crankster’s back.  I could have lived with everything else, but bad casting?  It’s over. 

The Crank