The boys are back in town! Although in this one they play alien girls.
Tag Archive for political satire
Dolt-Fest 2016: A Week Covering Three Gross Misconceptions Or Chachi Loves Trumpy
by Mick Zano •
Holy crap! I tried to watch the Republican convention, operative word tried. It’s like that commercial, wherein no one wants to call the insurance guy, so they pretend to be doing chores. Oh, Christie’s speaking? I have to sharpen those pencils in the bottom drawer. I haven’t used a pencil since the Reagan years, but you never know. Oh, Ernst is on? I’m going to take out the garbage, or make some garbage so I can then take it out. I only made it ten seconds into Giuliani’s screech, before I was deciding which items in the freezer could be thrown out during McConnell. Who could forget Rudy Giuliani? …you know, the guy best known for wandering the streets on 9/11 (but only because he was stupid enough to put his command center in Tower Two). And when I say 9/11, I mean Benghazi. You may not be aware, but the country is still recovering from Benghazi. The GOP is like some Munchausen’s sufferer with a head injury. Stop dragging America into the emergency room, Republicans! I know it’s covered under Obamacare now, but it’s still a dick move. Every time I heard the word Benghazi, I went somewhere in my mind… to Benghazi actually, which seemed a much more stable place than the Republican National Convention.
Don’t worry, folks, I will cover the shit show on the left in my next article.
Dem Party Leader Sentenced To Five Years As Roger Ailes’ Secretary
by Mick Zano •
Creepy Evangelical Snake Oil Salesman GOP’s Last Hope Of Defeating Megalomaniacal Ass-Clown
by Mick Zano •
Melania Trump Denies Plagiarism Charge With String Of Borrowed Brainy Quotes
by Mick Zano •
Cleveland, OH—Melania Trump attempted to explain allegations that parts of her speech at the RNC convention was plagiarized from an earlier Michelle Obama speech. Mrs. Trump told the press, “I am willing to look at what happened, because the unexamined life is not worth living.” She then went on to say, “The only thing to fear about plagiarism is plagiarism itself. A speech by any other name would sound as sweet. One small speech for man, one giant leap for mankind,” and finally, “Ask not what my husband can do for you, but what you can do for my husband.”
Ahead Of Convention Trump Has Sandler Beat Last Of #NeverTrump Movement Into Submission
by Mick Zano •
The Daily Discord is denying this is a picture of the failed rebellion in Turkey, badly PhotoShopped.
The GOP’s TrumpUPence? The Dynamic Dookie Heads For Cleveland
by Mick Zano •
I’ve been predicting the demise of the GOP for years, but is it inevitable? How do we shift toward more meaningful discourse? How do we bring the marginalized back into the conversation, you know, before they form the Christian Republican State In the South (CRSIS)? …with CRSIS comes opportunity? These racial divisions are symptoms of a greater illness. The paranoia and neurotic nationalism gripping our planet is the growing pangs of the inevitable shift toward globalization. Fear and bigotry are fueling this Brexitesque romanticism. We have one group struggling to muddle forward and the other scratching and clawing their way back into some cave. How do we embrace the future with nearly half our country is still swinging from the trees and thumping their chest at trespassers? Republicans in the Mist?
In Show Of Force Trump Executes VP Pick On Live Television
by Mick Zano •
New York, NY—During a press conference today, presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump spent nearly a half an hour rambling on a wide range of topics, ranging from how talented he is to how untalented everyone else is. Finally, Trump got around to announcing his choice for Vice President, “World, I give you the next Vice President of the United States, the Governor of Indiana, Michael Pence! Oh, and Pence, you’re FIRED!” He then proceeded to pull out a Beretta M-9 out of his pocket and assassinated the Governor on live television. Trump explained his actions, “I don’t want what almost happened in Turkey to happen to me in Cleveland or beyond. These #NeverTrump people—and I hate to call them people—but these folks have some bad ideas. They’re bad. I am not taking any shit, so read my lips, No New Feces. I am therefore nominating myself for Vice President of the United States. Who better than me to have my own back? It’s two for the price of one. It’s win-win.”
Admiral General Aladeen Denies Being Vetted For Trump VP
by Mick Zano •
Wadiya—The Trump campaign is calling the rumor that the Butcher of Wadiya was ever considered a viable running mate, absurd. Whereas Trump admits he recently showered the Admiral General with praise, the Trump Campaign never considered him on the “short list” because he was born in another country, the UN wants him for war crimes, and he’s pro-choice.
Trump Leaves RNC Chair Locked In Hot Car With Windows Rolled Up
by Mick Zano •
New York, NY—Only days before the Republican National Convention, RNC Chair Reince Priebus, was left in one of Donald Trump’s limousines with the windows rolled up for nearly an hour. The incident occurred outside of Trump Tower in Manhattan in 78° plus heat. Mr. Priebus is considered in stable condition at this hour, well, as stable as any republican can be with their current frontrunner being Donald Trump.