Really? Nothing registering? The famous Foxeteer flat line?  Let me splain’. Last week England, our staunchest ally, said, “Piss off. We’re not helping.” Know why they said that?  Still nothing?  Perhaps I should resort to finger puppets, or at least one finger.

Has the GOP purged the Bush years from their memory banks or are they simply incapable of retaining or processing new information? I initially started this article because the recent Drudge Report headline entitled Carville: I Blame Bush… I share James Carville’s sentiment, not because I want to rehash shit, but in this case it happens to be true.

Listen up, the age of America’s willingness or ability to police the world has ended. Film at eleven. I am not as Isolationist as the Pauls, but a step or two in that directions is both warranted and inevitable. At the sound of the further cracking Liberty Bell, it’s the 21^st century. Sure we can blow shit up, real good, but then what? We have no strategic allies and we have few options to handle Assad without inciting a potentially larger regional confrontation and let’s put this into the historical context of we’re still barely recovering from Bush’s global economic handiwork.

Credibility… Why we STILL don’t have any

With nothing in his hand but a pair of fours, Obama is somehow making shit happen…again. And if another Bushie comments on our foreign policy decisions I am authorizing domestic drone strikes. With a straight face, Dick Cheney recently said Benghazi was the worst terrorist attack this country ever faced, ignoring the dozens of embassy attacks on his own watch, not to mention…I’m not mentioning it. Donald Rumsfeld, last week, said the case has not been made to strike Assad, and even Sarah Palin added, “So we’re bombing Syria because Syria is bombing Syria? And I’m the idiot?”

Dear Sarah,

Umm, yes….yes you are.

Sincerely,

Reality

Of course, she’s the same woman who said the Iraq War was part of God’s plan. I guess God and Halliburton have similar goals, profit and death, but saving kids from being butchered by chemical weapons? Naaah. Wasn’t it Jesus who authorized the use of mustard gas on the money-changers? I believe that happened during his Sarin on the Mount.

I have taken a rather lengthy break from cable television, namely because:

MSNBC = Sorry, the Travon bullshit was too much. I always said Fox Left wouldn’t work on many liberals.

CNN = They hired MCs, not journalists. You can say any extreme and idiotic statement you want, left or right, and their anchors will simply smile and say, “Next up the dancing bear!” They are not neutral, they’re flat line.

Fox  = Sentient creatures need not apply.

Despite this hiatus, on what I thought might be the eve of Iraq part deux, curiosity got the better of me. I flipped between Maddow and Hannity for about a half an hour. Maddow was discussing the rationality of military strikes, what such an engagement might look like and explored other viable options. She also interviewed Hans Blix, a key inspector during the moments leading up to the Iraq War. It was a great piece. Hannity, meanwhile, straight from the Planet Kolab—well, I could only watch for about six minutes before projectile vomiting onto my flat screen.

Mr. Hannity chose to spend his time discussing how Obama lied about his “red line” quote on chemical weapons. Apparently Obama completely changed his tune by saying, “Hey, I didn’t even set this red line at chemical weapons, the world did.” According to Sean, this is a total flip flop from his original position—er, unless you happen to understand thoughts and the organization of words into something I like to call sentences.  Then the brunette on his show said something like, “Isn’t America sick of the entanglements in the Middle East, like Egypt and Libya?” Then she adds, “…and remember Benghazi where four Americans died?!”

Lest we forget, but…Egypt and Libya?

“Four dead in Libya. How many more?”

—Neil Young

Do I really need to explain how stupid that statement is? Probably, but I’m not going to. Honey Boo Boo is on.

Dear Fox News,

You screwed the pooch on Iraq and on the potential eve of a war on Syria, during prime time, you’re less insightful? How is that even possible?

Sincerely,

Reality

I said Iraq would keep coming back to bite us and, as it turns out, Shark Week over on Discovery has much less of that sort of thing. Iraq is very relevant to the world’s inability to act or back us in any action. Obama faces a terrible decision in Syria, a decision made more terrible by the historical context. Yes, the Bush years matter. Duh. If he takes action we will go it alone. The U.S. will always be questioned now and, lest we forget, historically our interventions in the Middle East make Lindsay Lohan’s exploits seem organized and productive.

Assad keeps mentioning the Iraq War as a deterrent here and, hell, it’s why Iran became so emboldened in the first place. Obama can’t mention the ghost of Iraq so he keeps citing Reagan and Clinton conflicts and Bush STILL can’t venture outside of square states, let alone the country.  Our former President could still be tried at The Hague. Of course, Bush isn’t concerned about this, because he still thinks that’s Reagan’s former Secretary of State.

[Winslow’s note: I don’t think he even gets that. I think he thinks The Hag is his mother.]

No matter what this president does, he will remain a scapegoat for the factually impaired (My Pet Scapegoat groaner omitted). The GOP bashed Obama for not seeking congressional approval on Syria and then, when he did, they painted him as a coward or as Krauthammer asserted, “An amateur.”

Dear Republicans,

You can’t have everything, both ways, yet still manage to botch every issue. That’s not even possible. Just because you don’t believe in the laws of physics, doesn’t mean you get to break them.

Sincerely,

Newton

This congressional vote is a farce anyway, presidents can do whatever they want post Bush. I seem to remember opposing that.  Obama tends to waffle and waiver and then does something for about nine dollars that gets all of our goals met without breaking an F-ing finger nail, so by all means waffle away, sir. I agree, this doesn’t look good, but I’m not giving up. This is guy is good. I am against an intervention in Syria, albeit barely. Thus far Obama has done amazingly well avoiding any major conflicts. He knocked off a lot of al-Qaeda’s leadership, including Bin Laden, with drones. He knocked the Iranian nuclear program back years with a computer virus, and his Libya intervention cost us less than one of his presidential vacations.

Obama’s results are impressive, while they tend to save treasure and lives. I still believe he will go down in history as having a crafty foreign policy. It’s not evident at the moment, mainly due to the misinformation on the right, but the truth has a way of eventually poking out, like—

[Anthony Weiner joke omitted by editor].

Dear President Obama,

About Syria, everyone in the world thinks you’re botching this shit but me. I love the way you perseverate over shit. It is soooo much better than being decisively wrong, aka the Republican Model. Questioning and planning is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength.

From Zano with love

P.S. You never got back to me about the sweater. Smoochies xoxo.

Think about it, Obama’s plea has forced the EU and the UN to take this matter seriously without dropping bomb one. If the Russian plan works, it would be amazing. He’s trying to get everything we want for Christmas for about five dollars. To me, he always seems several steps ahead of everyone else, especially the GOP. Or as Andrew Sullivan puts it Meep Meep. I was ahead of Andrew on this one, as I never lost confidence—at least totally.

Meanwhile, the GOP will always shoot first and ask questions later, also known as: Operation Why Did I Just Shoot Myself In The Foot?

When I started this blog I considered myself an integral independent—yeah, I’m not explaining that again. But politically I have shifted to liberal, not out of some great love for liberals, but they at least—or should I say those liberals elected—tend to make mountains into mole hills, not mole hills into mountains. Example, Benghazi is a mole hill. Failing to prevent the real 9/11 and then invading the wrong country is a mountain. Obama is a mole hill man and we should all be grateful for that. The three or more additional land wars McCain or Romney would have blundered us into by now should give us all pause.

(pause)

Dangit, I wrote this nearly a week ago and now people are swinging around to my way of thinking. Drat.

What are we to make of the likes of a Ronald Reagan or a Margaret Thatcher? We have trouble understanding what happened in yesterday’s news cycle, let alone decades ago. For instance Thatcher headed the Inquisition and started the Black Plague, while Reagan was most known for implementing alternate-street-parking here in the states, right?

There’s a good reason the Left is not blindly rubberstamping the Thatcher legacy. There’s a point behind their recent Senate shenanigans. Do I agree we should block a resolution honoring a former prime minister of England? No. But, on the flipside, should we unconditionally praise a divisive figure? Post Reagan, we should never sugarcoat that shit again…EVER!

First, I need to get this off my chest. On a recent Real Time episode, Bill Maher officially reached Zano-disgust-levels (ZDLs). In the middle of a debate, Maher smacked down Republican Stephen Moore’s circular argument on Climate Change.

(The end of this Real Time dialogue is paraphrased due to a rampant laziness our readers have come to expect.)

Moore: I’m the one who wants to debate this; you’re the one who doesn’t.

Maher: No, at some point science reaches a consensus and then shifts the focus to what are we going to do about it? Do you still want to argue whether or not the world is flat?

That’s what the GOP wants. They want the conversation to continue, until it’s too late. Yeah, only 95% of climatologists worldwide agree the planet is warming, not 100%, so let the debate continue! Never mind the fact we know who funds those few remaining naysayers. Hey, let’s take a Fox News poll on our planet’s future, because those folks have shown so much insight in the past.

Do you think the U.S. will lose its competitive edge with China if we address Al Gore’s climate rants?

o Yes

o No

o Fuck Science

Fox News: Fair, Balanced, and I’m Afraid!

There’s zero understanding of how science actually works on the Right. I predicted The GOP’s Climate Change “strategy” long ago:

1. Deny reality as long as possible to keep raking in the cash (Koch and a smile?).

2. When Climate Change becomes undeniable, blame natural Earth cycles (Operation Shit Happens).

3. Keep pointing out that even if we change emission standards in the U.S. other key countries won’t, so why bother (Rapture for Dummies).

Great plan. The children of the world thank you for your courage and insight (aka, greed and ignorance, or the Full Thatcher as they call it in the UK). This view is stunning when you place this into the context of our pending extinction. I could not agree Moore with Maher (sorry). The debate is over.

Similarly, when addressing other topics, I only read those few Conservatives left with a clue, which I can now accomplish during my coffee break—okay, half of my coffee break. And sorry Matt Drudge, adding endless bullshit examples to your sick worldview doesn’t make it any less false. But, on the bright side, more and more GOPers are identifying their own party’s need for reform. Here’s someone channeling yours truly:

“It’s not just the comforting delusion that he’s a golf-mad dilettante, but also the reverse-negative image of that delusion—that Obama is a not-so-secret Marxist Kenyan with dictatorial ambitions and a nearly limitless appetite for power. That caricature makes it far too easy for Obama to laugh off the legitimate criticisms of the kind of political leader he really is.”

—John Podhoretz, Commentary

This is another of my key points finally echoed by, of all people, a neo-conservative. At least a few voices of reason are emerging from the cesspool (CHUDs: Cannibalistic Humanitarian Underground Democrats?).

History already supports 90% of George W. Bush’s mistakes but a similar percentage of Obama’s criticism is proving false. This is muddying the waters of political discourse. The latest outrage on the Right is Thatcher-gate. Last week the Senate allegedly blocked a Resolution honoring Margret Thatcher. Well, in the Dems defense it was Honey Boo Boo night.

I don’t really know what’s going on with the Senate blocking resolution thingie (SBRT); the only source is the Heritage Group, aka, there is no source. Meanwhile, Andrew Sullivan is showing his conservative English roots and singing Thatcher’s praise over at The Dish. And, in Thatcher’s defense, it seems with the situation in England at that time—which was almost a complete merger of government and business—her shot of Ayn Rand had some positive effects. Of course, it came at a heavy price.

Look, I used to be all for the whole don’t-speak-ill-of-the-dead-shit premise (DSIOTDS), but there’s consequences for getting things wrong, as we have seen over the years in news cycle after Fox News cycle. Face it, the Iron Lady has a mixed legacy, much like Reagan’s or Obama’s. Here’s Juan Cole’s take:

“The hatred for the late Margaret Thatcher, former British prime minister, among a broad segment of the British public has manifested itself in visible and undeniable ways in the week after her death, but these are not highlighted on American television. The status quo corporate media are afraid of admitting that policy-makers who favor the rich and punish the middle and working classes are deeply hated by the latter.”

Glenn Greenwald discussed the danger of simply singing Kumbaya when a controversial figure passes. Namely, a long time ago a similar event birthed a bouncing baby delusional ideology known as modern conservatism.

“—the week-long tidal wave of unbroken reverence that was heaped on Ronald Reagan upon his death, an episode that to this day shapes how Americans view him and the political ideas he symbolized. Demanding that no criticisms be voiced to counter that hagiography is to enable false history and a propagandistic whitewashing of bad acts, distortions that become quickly ossified and then endure by virtue of no opposition and the powerful emotions created by death. When a political leader dies, it is irresponsible in the extreme to demand that only praise be permitted but not criticisms.”

—Glenn Greenwald, The Guardian

If only more Democrats had spoken out and denied such a false and damaging narrative (Reaganetics?). The GOP still believes a lot of the shit they concocted during Reagan’s funeral—shit created from their own tears, prejudices, and cognitive deficiencies. Here’s what another Guardian type said last year about Thatcher.

“Across Britain Thatcher is still hated for the damage she inflicted – and for her political legacy of rampant inequality and greed, privatization and social breakdown.”

— Seumas Milne

Or as the GOP calls it, “The free market works!”

In other words, “Ding Dong the witch is dead!” Kidding. But let’s face it, the Foxeteers wouldn’t even know who Thatcher was if she hadn’t once made a famous slam on socialism.

We need to honor an old lady’s passing with dignity, but we also have an obligation to tell it like it is. So let’s talk realistically about what happened, while avoiding any ding-dong disrespect. You know, like how the GOP will handle Obama’s funeral. HAH! This will be Obama’s legacy:

The GOP believed something which turned out to be bullshit. Then the GOP believed something else which turned out to be bullshit, and while everyone was fixated on this aforementioned bullshit, we completely missed ___________ which, as it turned out, had profound implications for our liberties and our future.

Here’s another Greenwald slam on Hannitizing history:

“If anything, it becomes more compelling to commemorate those bad acts upon death as the only antidote against a society erecting a false and jingoistically self-serving history.”

—Glenn Greenwald

I remember watching some of the endless footage of Reagan’s funeral and thinking, “WTF?!” This was before WTF existed, but I thought something similar, perhaps BWTF. I said at the time, wow, they’re really creating something out of nothing with this one. Hell, the Iran Contra scandal was still fresh on everyone’s mind, which was a much, much more significant than Benghazi and the Fast & Spurious combined. Reagan also helped create a group known as Al-Qaeda to fight the Soviets. That worked out well. But I’m sure if Obama did the same thing, the GOP would have let that slide. I also knew, even then, that unless you’re a fan of high deficits Reaganomics sucked.

Reality Alert: Obama may yet pass Reagan’s presidential ranking. And make no mistake, Reagan’s legacy was pumped up during that week of endless processional blathering. Dems have remained silent in the past during such passings, which in retrospect was a huge mistake. Never give them an inch, because the GOP will take an ideological mile. We will fight them in the hills and the beaches and the landing grounds. That was Thatcher, right?

At the time, I thought Reagan’s trumped up funeral was harmless enough, after all, we were honoring a great actor. But the bubble of non-reality on the Right has a direct link to that month long ceremony. Conservatism had nothing to brag about before Reagan and they still don’t, so they created a false legacy. You have to have something to cheer about and it’s much easier to just make shit up than deal with the fact that we suck and our ideas don’t really work on this planet (win one for the Fibber?). Reagan’s funeral helped to create a collective delusion, which, among other things, may yet destroy us.

I missed the significance at the time, but in my defense, I wasn’t a blogger then or even particularly interested in politics—but nevertheless I blew it. I’m not willing to make that mistake again.

On that note:

“Bedtime for Bonzo was not Reagan’s best work.”

—Mick Zano

There, I said it.

What? Too soon?

We should no longer allow anyone, anyone to run rampant with revisionist history. We’ve seen the effects first Hannity, or…

Dear Republicans,

If over the last half a century Reagan is your only high point, you suck.

Sincerely,

Reality

The age of making nice-nice when a controversial figure kicks the bucket is over. Long live the age of truth. Kidding! We are still amidst the Age of Bullshit, but at least some of us are taking notice and, more importantly, taking notes.

Oh, and Mr. Winslow reminded me that when Reagan died (circa June 2004) we were together in Harrisburg, PA at a Kentucky Derby party, after which the Triple Crown was awarded to a horse named Smarty. So, of course, I came up with the headline, “Dying Dummy Ruins Big Day for Smarty.”

Hmm, maybe I did get it back then. In fact, that might have been the very kernel that started The Daily Discord? So something good did come from Reagan’s legacy after all.

Never mind.

You can catch the first part of this post here. Today I will continue to dismantle Republican thought (oxymoron alert) faster than our annual Parkinson’s Jenga match. I will slay the Rovian Dragon, pop the Foxian bubble of non-reality, and still make it back to Hops on Birch for hoppy hour.

Our first issue of round two is the deficit—a topic Republicans claim the higher ground, despite the evidence.  Again, I went in reverse chronological order for reasons of interest…and the James Bond theme continues for reasons I can’t quite remember.

2012: A Deficit Odyssey:

The GOP & Fox News: The Right helped identify the problem…er, that they created, yet somehow they weren’t against any of the spending pre the collapse. But that’s not their fault, really, they were watching Fox News. And then none of them supported any viable strategy like Simpson-Bowels in real time to combat said spending—except maybe their hero turned arch villain, Chris Christie. Foodraker?

Like it or not, most of our deficit, minus the stimulus, is linked to Republican policies. We still have the bills. Just like my extensive rap sheet, it’s public record. To tie this into a personal credit card situation, let’s say the GOP buys a Ferrari and a Corvette. They are now essentially blaming Obama for having the audacity to continue the car payments. They still think Obama blew five-trillion on golf. The Man with the Golden Clubs? Hey, let’s get into more unnecessary wars and then vote against raising the debt limit!

Two important charts:

What these “rerun” charts show, courtesy of the Congressional Budget Office, is how one President is trying to stop the bleeding while the other guy…er, is clearing brush somewhere. The GOP does back the Ryan budget, which every credible economist thinks would trigger a depression, but, hey, what doesn’t kill them will only make them wronger. Ask your doctor if Reality is right for you.

As it turns out, nothing the GOP supports has anything to do with our traditional understanding of mathematics or economics. Fact: Keynesian economics helped us avoid the Bush Depression. Do I like this imaginary money plan? No. Was I originally in favor of it? No, but: A). It’s working, albeit slowly, and B). we never would have had to learn about Keynesian economics if those who call themselves fiscal conservatives actually paid for shit! Oh, and the Ferrari just dropped a tranny. Wait, she’s still clinging to the hood! (T.J. Hooker joke omitted).

No points—GOP

Zano’s position: I was initially against some of the overspending, such as the Iraq War and No Child Left Behind, then I backed the deficit reduction commission’s recommendations (2009), then I backed a better plan called Simpson-Bowles (2010). We need a 60/40 or 65/35 type revenue to austerity ratio, which I first mentioned many years ago here. Even the 50/50 plan Dems are now proposing might work. Isn’t that always the way, though? The plan I favor will work, the Dems plan might work, and the Republican plan…check please!

Of course anything involving ratios is a meaningless debate to an all-or-none thinking Foxeteer. Check out this article from Eliot Spitzer over on Slate, or this New York Times one on Ryan’s “Fairy Tale Budget.” The GOP remains against every feasible plan. Dr. No?

The GOP’s “strategy” can be summarized as extending all tax cuts and breaks, gutting only critical services for those most in need, blowing up the deficit much higher, and then shifting the last of our profits to the One Percent. This is fiscal conservatism? …well, for the reality impaired.

Marco Rubio’s recent State of the Bubble Address (SUBA) was nonsense. Their whole game plan is to keep repeating lies faster than an OCD/Tourette’s sufferer on methamphetamine. That’s it! They’re making crystal math, which explains why it doesn’t add up and why it feels really good to those already addicted.

In related news, the Tea Party will be known primarily for five things:

1. Forming a “Tea Party” during a period of historic low taxes and backing that ridiculous “Norquist Tax Pledge”. Thankfully many politicians are finally distancing themselves from that nonsense…Never Tax Never Again?

2. Blocking the debt deal in July of 2012 through a delicate combination of all-or-none thinking and ignorance.

3. Related to #2: they were a key component to our 2011 downgraded bond status (Bond, Downgraded Bond). Hey, was Norquist on Her Majesty’s Secret Disservice? Sorry for that one…it’s the vodka martinis talking.

4. Voting in dangerously inept politicians who will not help their states or this country as well as Fox-blocking any chance for meaningful reforms.

5. The picture below that will win the Daily Discord a Pulitzer!

½ a point—Zano.

(I dinged myself ½ a point for not backing the stimulus, which by all accounts avoided a depression, aka, I made the mistake of agreeing with Fox News. Doh! GOPtopussy? Okay, that one was a stretch but no more than their economic policies.

Sept 2009: Obamacare:

The GOP & Fox News’ position: Obamacare will end life as we know it!

½ a point—GOP & Fox News

Zano’s position: Both options suck. Defending our insurance companies is unconscionable, but it’s not the right time for universal healthcare. We’re broke. Republicans fear Obamacare, but won’t even acknowledge the small-business-killing trajectory of healthcare costs. This is really sad when you consider the quality of our healthcare system is plummeting like a certain Norwegian Blue parrot. Pining for the fjords?! Sorry, that’s actually a Monty Python reference, but Pythons are Forever!

But let’s cut the wrong-brigade a break and call it even. We really don’t know if Obamacare is going to work or how much it’s going to cost. If I were a betting man, I’d say it’s going to be too expensive. But if you look at the 15 happiest countries in the world, they all have, support, and love their country’s universal healthcare, here. We just aren’t that exceptional anymore. Damn socialists! Like those happy-go-lucky Israeli Commies!

½ a point—Zano

(I am ultimately for universal healthcare but I do question the timing. We both arrived at similar conclusions. I arrived at mine through reason and logic and they arrived at theirs through fear and propaganda…the usual.)

2009 March: More Stimulus?

The GOP & Fox News’s position:  The bailouts didn’t work. Stop the rest of the stimulus now!

No points—GOP & Fox News

Zano’s position: Sure the Stimulus is imaginary money but we are faring far better than countries that went austerity only. I said to watch England here as they were going too heavy on the austerity side. There are a number of European experiments going on now and they are pretty much following a predictable pattern.

½ a point—Zano

2009 January: The Great Recession:

The GOP & Fox News’ position: The recession that we never saw coming will be over in a couple of months (nailed it).

No points—GOP & Fox News

Zano’s position: Capitalism the way we know it just ended (film at 11). Nuff said.

One point—Zano

2008: The Lead Up to the Great Recession:

(Remember, we’re going in reverse order)

The GOP & Fox News’ position: The economy is fine, so buy a Hummer NOW. I distinctly remember Fox News was really stressing the importance of buying shit right up until the day of the collapse. I remember this because of how truly stupid it sounded at the time (even by typical Fox standards). Hah, hah, Fox standards. I made a funny. 

No points—GOP & Fox News

Zano: I predicted our pending economic demise about six months before it hit and it was mentioned on this site back in 2008 here (as far back as the Discord goes). I knew we couldn’t lower taxes during two wars and fund all those other bullshit Bush programs. We still haven’t paid for his mistakes, yet here’s a check for $250 everybody! Idiot. The economy collapsed right on cue. The stock market has rallied under Obama, but it’s all Monopoly money at this point…maybe it always was.

One point—Zano

2009: Enters Obama (Will He Restore The Rule Of Law?):

The GOP & Fox News’ position: Notice those Constitutional savvy Foxeteers never even identified Bush’s executive expansion of power, yet they were immediately uncomfortable with a Democrat wielding such an expansion…um, that never happened. They deserve – 100 for never even recognizing the breakdown of the rule of law in the first place, but I will settle for a zero.

No points—GOP

Zano’s position: I predicted Obama would never restore the rule of law (only because no one ever has). My first reference on this subject was an article in 2009, where I said, “I remain skeptical the rule of law will be restored (under Obama).”

Sure Obama is using these expanded powers more competently, which is a nice change, but it’s still deplorable that the executive branch can do whatever the hell it wants now. And, yes, Republicans, blame yourselves. Pre-W we had a Justice Department. You’ve heard me say this before, you couldn’t have an Eric Holder without an Alberto Gonzales. Check out my article on the subject from July of 2010: Funny thing but breaking something called the Justice Department, might just have consequences for…er, justice.

You want those documents on Fast & Furious? …well, I don’t. I want to know how you justify killing an American citizen without any oversight, aka, the Gonzales Special. As for what you want, try investigating who started those programs (hint: his name rhymes with Sick Meaney).

One point—Zano

2005: The Surge:

The GOP & Fox News: Fox supported the Surge in Iraq. Military strategists say the decision to send in more troops in 2005 did have some positive effect on securing Iraq. Kudos. (A dry martini, shaken not surged).

One point—GOP & Fox News

Zano: I was against the Surge. I was unaware of the Anbar Awakening and did not realize ethnic cleansing was winding down in key cities. But I do really miss those community genocide bake sales. The Surge’s timing was fortuitous, but Bush only orchestrated it to develop his own exit strategy from the White House. Regardless, I’m happy to be wrong. My Goldeneye has failed me. Sorry, best I could do with that one. Wait…NPR is saying, right now, that Iraq is on the brink again. Hmmm. I said the Surge would not bring any long term stability…oh, heck, let’s give ‘em the point. It’s not like they’ll ever get another one.

Zero points—Zano

2005: Torture:

The GOP & Fox News: Get those bad guys! Waterboard the bastards! Indefinitely expand executive power. Go through our mail, our email, and wiretap us illegally while suspending habeas corpus indefinitely—even for American citizens—then torture them until they’re mentally ill or dead (aka, Jose Padilla). Please destroy whatever parts of the Constitution and the Bill of Rights you need to keep our sorry asses safe. Hallelujah!

No points—GOP & Fox News

Zano: Thank you Mr. Obama for apologizing for W. and ending torture, but damn you for not bringing those responsible to justice! In any other civilized society people are hung for this shit, yet somehow the argument morphed into, did torture work? Did it keep us safe? Where are the whistleblowers when you need them? (Zero Narc Thirty?) Oh, that’s the only other scandal, what Obama’s doing to whistleblowers.

Could you imagine in Nuremberg some Nazi pleading his defense, “Gestapo’s enhanced interrogation techniques saved countless German lives.” Do you think that guy would have been exonerated? I realize this argument is meaningless to a Foxeteer, like logic and reason itself. Hey, are they followers of Propagandacles? or Agendastotle? Those are lesser known Bond films, like View to a Koch.

“But Zano, we’re not Nazis?!”

Umm, you just use some of the same tactics, is all. Torture has never been an argument. It’s only a testament to the GOP’s hypocrisy and neo-fascist tendencies. You want to know what really leads a country to fascism? (Hint: it has nothing to do with insuring more people). Oh, I remember, right after Germany annexed Poland, Hitler started Adolfcare. The bastard! Actually Hitler used a terrorist attack to suspend Habeas corpus indefinitely and then started something called Homeland Security.  Sound familiar? My 2008 take here. No country has ever gone from socialism to Communism, only fascism to Communism. Damn history, with its stuff that already happened and shit.

Experts from every branch of the military have admitted torture doesn’t work. But who cares? The greatest Al-Qaeda recruitment tool in the last decade was Abu Ghraib. Thanks Rummy. Dick. Yeah, let’s thank Dick too. Quantum of Soulless?

One point—Zano

2002: The Iraq War:

The GOP & Fox News’ position: Not this shit again! But I’ll say this much, this was NOT just a massive intelligence failure. That’s another big lie. Inspectors were pleading with W. not to start bombing. They were saying, “Wait! There’s nothing here!” But then again, he did pray on the subject, didn’t he? So W. and God were of one mind on this one. Let there be Right! License to Kill?

Zero points—GOP & Fox News

Actually, how about we minus one point for every military and civilian death?   

Zano:

“Next to Vietnam, Iraq will be among the greatest U.S. foreign policy blunders of all time.”

—Mick Zano, 2003.

I ran naked through the streets protesting the war the day it started and then I drank myself silly. Okay, I might have done most of that anyway. Let there be Bud Light! Or to keep with the theme, how about The Living Bud Lights?

One point—Zano

Presidents Bush V Obama’s Rankings:

The GOP & Fox News’ position: George W. Bush…hmmm, we don’t remember much about him, but he did pretty well. We can’t think of anything he did wrong, offhand. But that Barack Obama will go down in history as the worst President in U.S. history!

Zero points—GOP & Fox News

Zano’s position: I predicted in 2004 W. would be ranked about the worst in history and on Obama’s Inauguration Day I predicted he would be marked well for his foreign policy and “meh” on the horrid economy he inherited.

After reviewing four of the most recent surveys by scholars and historians, Nate Silver just predicted Obama will be ranked 17^th best (between good and average). Meanwhile, W. has only one President ranked below him, James Buchanan, who I believe murdered puppies for fun. And, sorry, you can’t count the guy who died right after his inauguration. And when I was predicting W. would be the worst ever, no one else was, and when right wingers keep saying Obama is the worst ever they’re trying to create reality through something called bullshit. Good luck with that.

One point—Zano

The final score, combining both posts, is 11 ½ points for Zano to 2 points for the GOP & Fox News. Have I mentioned I’m a spoof news blogger? I have no business beating ANYONE in the business this badly, let alone EVERYONE. Geesh. Did I mention I’m not that bright?

Oh, and when Iraq completely descends back into chaos, I’m taking that “Surge” point back! I hope to hell it doesn’t happen, but I have to contend with something they don’t, reality.

The GOP will have different key points, of course, because the bubble is a very different and scary place. To address some of them briefly:

FACT: Criminal background checks for gun purchasing was first proposed by Lord Reagan.

FACT: Unemployment numbers will remain high no matter who’s elected. D and R have both been shipping manufacturing jobs overseas for decades as part of Bush’s: Operation Weekday Freedom (old Maher joke).

FACT: We will never get anywhere with Roe V Wade, because both sides can’t or won’t listen to reason on this issue, which makes any meaningful discourse impossible.

FACT: The Right’s entire economic theory is based on Supply Side Economics, aka, Trickle Down Theory, which if you Google it says, “This has never worked in this U.S. or any other country in recorded history. Well, besides the conservative blowback from the mastodon’s neo-Marxist period circa the early Pleistocene.” It really says that. 

FACT: As soon as Romney and Ryan would have found Iran on a map, they would have bombed it. These two would have made Sarah Palin look strong on foreign policy.

Let’s not forget the Foxeteers other ‘important’ issues, like birth certificates and Muslims infiltrating the White House. Senator McCarthy would be proud. Oh and, yes, we are amidst a mass extinction on this planet, but as we lose species after species there’s some good news, Republicans may well be one of them.

I should also quickly add two more retractions. Initially, I thought a flat tax sounded logical and showing ID when you voted sounded logical as well. Umm, I should have known better. My assuming-they’re-always-wrong-premise works so much better. A flat tax, though somewhat logical, puts more even more of a burden on the poor at a time when the disparity of wealth typically triggers a revolution. Yes, most Latin American countries at this point have less of a disparity of wealth (see a related Economist article here), or as I’ve said before to our President:  “Socialism, you’re doing it wrong.” I do give Obama some credit for trying to save the middle class and I condemn the GOP for not even identifying the problem. Meanwhile, every GOP position supports the “one percent”…totally by coincidence. No conspiracy here.

Subtleties are lost on these peeps. You see, you can be pro 2^nd Amendment and still think the NRA head is an asshole; you can be pro-Israel and understand how Netanayhu’s blind recklessness is (see NRA head); you can be pro-choice and understand how Roe V Wade was a strange ruling; you can be pro reducing our deficit without being pro depression; and you can also be pro capitalism but realize some of this shit’s rigged. Chuck Hagel gets it and that’s why they hate him. How many IQ points must he drop before he will be an acceptable Republican? Why not just give him a number?

The Bush years are in the books (the GOP wrong on all counts), and the Obama years will be tallied soon enough (the GOP will be wrong on all counts). Well played.

This is a hell of a statement, but one of the biggest threats we face in the early 21st century remains the ongoing group-think of the GOP. Almost regardless of the issue, they are a hindrance. They are the bull in china shop, the monkey with the gun, the elephant in the room, and if you give me long enough, buy gum, I’ll work in the rest of the animal crackers into this sentence.  I am saying the GOP must reform or disband but not for my own agenda, for theirs. They are the worst advocates for capitalism, for free markets, for the 2^nd amendment, and they will destroy any and all of their causes by following this delusional false narrative. One Sean Hannity episode and I’m ready to hand over my gun, have an abortion, and divide all my money equally between my coworkers.

“We don’t have a spending problem, we have a Republican problem.”

—Mick Zano

Nine out of ten things going wrong right now have nothing to do with Barack Obama or his party. And the one major thing going astray on his watch, in this case drone strikes, they can’t even recognize as a problem. The rightward drift of the GOP and their ongoing abandonment of reason is and remains the story within the story of our time. I’m stunned how few seem to know Cheney, or Morris—or, for those non-political peeps—Clark. And I will end this monstrosity of a post with a quote from Christopher Hitchens, in honor of all of my friends on the right side of the aisle:

“What can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”

Consider yourselves dismissed.

From Zano with Love

Both D and R believe, rather strongly, that their counterparts are certifiably insane. So who’s right? Liberals are finally fighting for what they believe in, but their ideological drift in recent years has been relatively small. And, unfortunately, they still tend to elect presidents who govern slightly right. Meanwhile, the GOP will go down in history as moving so far right they’re now sending back pictures as they pass the Ort Cloud on the outer edge of our solar system.

I think if you say a certain group of people are crazy, you should at least have facts to back up these claims. I do…and I’m just a pseudo-spooferest. The right, especially on AM radio, is always saying, “Those crazy liberals think”…and, “How can they possibly believe…?” They then typically follow this inflammatory statement with some combination of revisionist history, lies or hyperbole. Although, historically that’s probably a false exaggeration (badum bum).

Is the Tea Party the biggest obstacle to our recovery? I don’t think the Tea Party destroyed America; they only assisted with our bond downgrade and then cock-blocked us from any meaningful reform. Actually, Bush destroyed America. Naah, I’m still being factious. We just need to do the exact opposite of whatever Sean Hannity says. Yeah, I’m STILL being factious, because he did make sense last week when he told Ann Coulter, “We must hold the Norquist line,”…umm, am I being facetious? Is there a stronger word for facetious, like Mega-F, or omni-facetious? Hannity was so batshit that Ann Coulter somehow morphed into the conservative voice of reason.

Unless I have an ample supply of Nexium, I can only stomach about 15 minutes of the fair & balanced channel, but this week I happened upon a really interesting exchange. The “highlight” of this waiting-for-the-commercial-to-end-on-another-channel was when Ann told Sean, “Umm, we lost the raising taxes on the rich thing, so let’s focus on the battles we can win.” She’s right. And to all the rest of you, who haven’t figured that out yet, seek medication. This means a huge chunk of Republicana remains to the right of Ann Coulter…let that sink in for a minute. There’s someone named Michael Moore on the left, but most Democrats aren’t left of him. See the difference?

Look, Obama ran on raising taxes for the rich, loud and clear. His tax hikes are not dissimilar to Simpson-Bowels, which the GOP covets without actually understanding. And please enjoy my next post Ann Coulter: Voice of Reason. Yikes. It’s like when a psych ward is overrun with zombies so you decide to follow the chick who just got her antipsychotic injection. It’s the lesser of two inmates.

So who’s crazier right or left? Well, one of my main premises has always been this: the GOP’s destructive impulses are measurable. They’re already in the history books; they were horrible and they were many: from Iraq, to our bond downgrade, to alternate street parking. Their decisions fundamentally impacted our collective future, our collective prosperity, as well as our Constitution. Meanwhile, the Right’s main beefs always draw a whaaah? out of me, like, hey, Obama’s using the Patriot Act effectively! WTF? Or, Obama listened to the advice of the intelligence community on the wording of a press briefing! The nerve of that guy. Yeah, that shit keeps me up at night all right…going waaaah?

The woes of the GOP are generally propaganda generated fears (PGF) and projections that have yet to manifest. Obama’s going to take our guns…er, despite the fact he has a better 2^nd Amendment record than your last candidate, or Obama’s going to break our economy, when it was already broken.

Over the years, I have further distanced myself from Republican “thought” and, yet, I have a much stronger grasp on what they’re supposed to be doing during these fiscal negotiations. They seem to have no idea. It’s like when you find a boy in the woods raised by monkeys, who would love to become Tarzan but is neurologically on par with George of the Jungle on ‘ludes.

Here’s what you’re supposed to be doing. Here’s what, if you were a remotely competent group of individuals, you would be doing. After all, you still have the House, for now. Well, no matter what happens in the mid-terms, remember, you’ll still have House reruns. Can you believe that last diagnosis?

The plans:

Obama’s line is that top line. It’s where the negations are supposed to begin…on this planet. It’s nonsense, of course. Obama’s cuts are based on decreasing projected increases, which is a fancy way of saying slower increases, not cuts. Regardless, tax cuts for the rich are not on the table. You lost to America as well as to every credible economist. Better luck next proposal.

Hint: next time you nation-build in two countries, one of them entirely unnecessarily, let’s try to pay for that shit first, huh? And let’s end fecal conservatism once and for all.

If you make over $250,000, come January, life will still be swell. Of course, the GOP refers to these as taxing the job creators. After they say this, they must drop to their knees and face the Koch Brother obelisk to begin the ablutions. Meanwhile, these “job creators” were just fine under the same tax levels in the 90s…er, or any other time in history…er, or in any other country. Damn you facts!

Another key point of the Right’s “argument” is that taxing the rich will only run the government for four months, or for three months, or for 10 days, or for 11 minutes, because our government goes to 11! Umm, even Fox News has admitted it’s about 3.5 months, but by the time that point is translated by your average Foxeteer, you can subtract 90%.

Revenues to the tune of 3.5 months is close to the Zano proposal from way back when. I always favored some ratio close to the deficit commission or Simpson-Bowles. The bottom line, the Ryan plan, or the Tea Party plan, is clearly the worst strategy. If implemented, that plan would cause a double dip recession within about eleven minutes, because our solvency as a nation goes to 11! This is why voting for Romney was such a bad idea, besides the fact he couldn’t find China on the map with both aides. Every European country that went too austerity-heavy double dipped. It happened here too in the 30s and it happens every time someone decides to forgo reason in favor of some deranged version of Foxeterianism. Is there any other kind?

England, amidst their own austerity plan, believes such a lopsided approach has never worked:

“The IMF report argues that the best way to reduce borrowing, pay down debt and stabilize the economy is to boost low and middle incomes. This isn’t a new idea. In the US of the 1930s, Roosevelt’s New Deal raised incomes by putting millions of people back to work. But, as during the Great Depression, it’s a solution which is still reviled by the rich, the politicians they have bribed and the voters they have brainwashed.”

—The Guardian

Sound familiar?

Simpson Bowles is a little austerity-heavy and might have triggered a double dip, but Obama’s proposal is not in the right zone either. This is precisely why we needed healthy Republicans. They should be trying to get us to that sweet spot between Obama’s plan and that Simpson-Bowles line. Currently Obama can ignore the GOP, and will, because they are batshit and only they seem unaware of this fact. This is a bad thing. We need them to take off the dunce caps and sit down at the table, or any real cuts will remain imaginary. If Obama does not do something real to change the trajectory of our debt by 2016, his legacy will suffer and so will our country. Regardless, I don’t think he’s going to make those hard choices without some prompting, so if no one on the Right even knows where to begin the negotiations, umm, we’re kind of screwed.

Despite the election, the GOP remains a haven for radical ideologues. They need to purge the zealots among their ranks and they need to do it now. Movement toward sanity is happening, but waaay to slowly. Hint: climate change is happening more quickly than GOP growth. I know, I know GOP growth is a hoax. I call people who think they’re reforming Growthers.

Face it, having a few more people come out of the Republican closet is not going to cut it. In fact, it won’t cut anything, as we will see soon enough.

Obama started the negotiations right where he was supposed to and, as usual, the GOP is….well…um…er…they’re so far out there…but, hey, that’s a lovely picture of the Voyager satellite, Mr. Boehner. While you’re out there can you take out that map that shows aliens how to find Earth so they come here to harvest our planet for brains, blood, and other body parts? That would be great.

Yeah, I know, but the rest of us have brains, Mr. Speaker, and we’d like to keep them.