New York, NY—Bipartisanship is currently rampant on Capitol Hill. The 114th Congress is starting to coalesce around some key Donald-related-issues. Republicans are motivated to derail the Trump candidacy and Democrats just want to put an end to the incessant Trump-induced nausea (ITIN). John Cornyn, R-Texas, said, “If we all work together, not only could we kill this abomination of a campaign, but we could end the queasiness associated with Trump’s voice. Look, this job is sickening enough without the gorge-rising antics of The Trumpster. I only want to vomit the way Lord Reagan envisioned, after stripping government funding from those most in need.”
Diverting flame retardant from California onto The Donald’s face is not without its critics. “I want Trump to shut the F-up as much as the next guy,” said Congressman Adam Schiff, D-CA, “but that retardant could have saved homes in the town of Weed, CA, or even saved weed in the town of Homes, CA.”
Republicans and Democrats also found common ground on several other related bills. Republicans are championing H.R. 1217: The Tar and Feather Trump Initiative and the Bipartisan Congressional Glue Trump’s Mouth The Fuck Shut Act. Democrats have proposed S. 1185 Trump’s CO2 Emissions are Endangering Entire Ecosystems Act, and The Donald Is Being Inappropriations Bill.
After announcing the passing of all this historic legislation, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and House Speaker John Boehner hugged each other. They then proceeded to burn a Trump Tower flag along with a Donald action figure on the house floor. This action activated the sprinklers triggering a full evacuation of the Capitol Building. This egress somehow brought the entire days worked for the 114th into the minus column, which makes little sense. But, hey, either does the 114th Congress.