Philadelphia, PA – Pierce Winslow, CEO of the Daily Discord and notorious dickhead, shot down yet another potential contributor today. This week it was a cartoonist from the Chicago area, last week it was a writer from Jersey. Winslow is always ready to crush the dreams of young talent wherever they might reside.
“The guy wanted money for material. Are ya kiddin’ me?” said Winslow. “We pay chicken scratch around here. In fact, it’s grade D but edible chicken scratch. If you’re good, maybe you’ll get an upgrade to peanuts. Our year-end bonus is bubkis and last year for Christmas bonuses I gave out a pen set that turned out to be pencils.”
“Yeah, cash, what’s that?” stated Dave Atsals. “I have to barter that chicken feed into people feed. And do you have any idea how pissed-off the IRS gets when you send them a baggie of cracked corn instead of cash?”
Winslow explained that if you want to contribute material to the Daily Discord: “It’s for fame and glory purposes only.”
Winslow went on to explain the intensive editing process, wherein Mick Zano adds Lousy Acronym Jokes (LAC) and then he forwards the document to Dave Atsals, who works his Photoshop magic.
“Then he typically loses the file,” said Zano, “or, more accurately, I lose the file. Weeks or months later someone says something like, ‘What happened to that bit about The Klingon Ice Weasels’ and then there’s this sort of communal shrug, so we keep drinking.”
“It’s better than how the process used to work,” added Atsals.