Dear Ghetto Shaman,

What’s your sign? I’m having a party this weekend and wondering if you could enlighten me and my friends.

Michael

Dear Michael,

Umm, my sign is stop, dude! Actually, as a kleptosexual I’m really into that kind of thing, although i’d be more inclined to cum if your name was Michaela. Besides, I already have a previous engagment this weekend. I’m teaching a seminar on Cultural Incomptence at Carl’s Pub…over by the cigarette machine.

Sincerely,

The Ghetto (I wish I was Latino so I could be president) Shaman