Let’s Let Trump Self-Pardon If He Agrees To Leave Office Now

Hey, kids, that dystopia I ordered twenty years ago finally arrived! Now if I could only get that decoder ring. Whereas Trump’s pending departure is welcome, it won’t be in time to save us. Trump broke a lot of shit and I’m guessing he’ll break more on the way out. Lest we forget we are still amidst a populist uprising, not just here but everywhere—a movement driven by a profound collective delusion that their twisted worldview makes sense. And, sure, Joe’s Lincoln tour will work with the Project itself, but not the common citizenry. With the Lincoln Project is there a chance to restore the republican intelligentsia, Zano? No, I thought I just said that. Keep up. The problem is 9 out of 10 republicans aren’t even aware they have a problem. They seem to have cheerfully elected two of the most incompetent boobs we’ve ever seen, consecutively, and they are more motivated than ever to reelect even less savvy and stable leaders. The right swept the courts, their turnout was strong, and they’ve likely held the Senate. Seventy million people voted for this idiot. Any candidate who can walk and chew gum will be poised to beat the incumbent in 2024 and shift the country once again toward a dysfunctional autocracy. They are resolute in their ignorance. A Biden loss is already baked into the cake as, much like Clinton and Obama, they’ve left us a MAGA-mess. As for unity, Joe will be banging his head against the wall for a while until he figures out his naivety. Hey, but if we all bang our heads long and hard enough we can level the playing field a bit. McConnell and Company are not going to budge from Mount Doom. It’s like the Buddha fixed at the base of that bodhi tree, only in our case it’s a turtle-man, Sith lord squatting under a Whomping Willow.

Many are now concerned Trump will reveal all of our secrets on the way out. Let me reassure all of you, whatever information was retained in that pea brain of his has already been sold or accidentally leaked, so rest easy tonight, America, rest easy.

Conventional wisdom suggested it would take two Trump terms to end our republic, but I’m one of the few who predicted one term would suffice. This view doesn’t change with a Biden presidency; it might stop the bleeding a bit, but the patient is still in critical condition. Someone recently said, Zano, Zano, no one could have predicted a pandemic. My theory was always hinged on this: no challenge would prove too big or small for republican leadership to exacerbate. [All Cretins Great and Small joke removed and placed on an ark.] In the rare event that no problem existed it would become necessary for the GOP leadership to create one.

One thing I do find refreshing is how the GOP is finally coming out of the darkness, so to speak, and conducting their crimes in broad daylight. They are no longer hiding the fact they’re a crime syndicate. This is arguably a step in the right direction. Why not finally embrace your true selves?

Last week the Ayatollah even pointed out what a shitshow our election was. If you want to return to a theocracy, you can learn a lot from Iran, republicans, so take some notes. Your functioning at the same level of consciousness, so why not embrace your inner theocratic warrior tendencies?

Meanwhile, my friend and blogvesary, just ignored my entire list of known Trump crimes, with the statutes included, to leapfrog back to Hunter Bidenville. If “to see what is in front of one’s own nose is a constant struggle,” the GOP is now the party of Jimmy Durante with rhinophyma. My friend asked me on FB, “Besides Iraq and the Patriot Act, what have you gotten right, Zano?” Hmmm. Let’s have some fun. I’m actually repetitive and somewhat ego-driven at times, so it’s amazing that none of this ever sticks. But here’s the shortlist of things I warned about, long ago. Hey, let’s do it with pictures this time! Maybe Pokey learns better that way:

I predicted the collapse at end of Bush’s 2nd term. A new normal under the next Dem (Enter Obama) and irreparable damage after subsequent R administration (Enter ass-clown Hitler), Or:

Next republican president would be dumber than Dubya. I know, I know, I must have had my Wheaties that day. The Dolt of Wall Street:

“At this rate the GOP will never elect some Randian John Galt type, they’re going elect Gordon Gekko’s brain dead brother. They protect and back the sociopaths of our society. They’re going to get completely screwed on this deal and, worse yet, so are the rest of us.”—Me, 2012

I also predicted we’d net two of three of the following for Trump’s first term: a constitutional crisis, economic collapse, or unnecessary war. So don’t be sad, ’cause two out of three aint bad.

Over a decade ago I predicted polarization would one day reach levels that would make debate irrelevant.

Presidential rankings:

Bush would rank 10th worst Prez = he’s 12th worst but give it time.

Obama would rank around Lord Reagan and he’s right ahead of him at 11th best.

Trump will rank in the bottom tier of presidents, likely bottom three. This is still pending, but his disasterous administration is already in the books.

Trump would run his administration like a crazy crime syndicate, or this headline:

Trump Tours Arkham Asylum To Vet Potential Cabinet.

In March I predicted the US pandemic response would rank the worst in the industrialized west, with the highest death-per-capita totals and steepest economic impact. We are actually tied for worst, in the world. I just read an article on how Bolivia and Guatemala smoked us. You can’t make this shit up:

Image Of Trump Staffers Playing Volleyball With Giant Corona Virus Highlights WH Disconnect

The republican party, led by Fox and Friends, would further slip into delusion and would be the architects of our undoing.

I was the first to pick Biden-Harris ticket, last May (before Politico), due to Joe’s unique ability to relate to the those rust belt folks:

I also predicted, years ago, that we would continue to be held hostage by the uneducated minority until it was too late.

“Now that Fox and Friends have successfully fomented and fostered a delusional army, I predict this army is about to be unleashed on us.” Zano 2015

Republicans would continue to ignore or climate to the chagrin of the rest of the industrialized west.

Brexit: I predicted Germany would eventually triumph and that Brexit would greatly damage the UK:

Merkel Presents May Container Of KY Jelly

by  • 

I have remained super critical of our War on Drugs effort since, uh, 1978 and predicted we would eventually be forced to take up a more logical approach. Or this article: We Have Lost The War On Drugs.

We also got into a loud argument at Ye Olde College Diner in State College, Pokey, because you didn’t think Bush & Cheney were employing torture in their War on Error, and then we find out, “We tortured some folks.” You were wrong then and wrong now.

Pokey: wrong for America.

So it’s more than just Iraq and the Patriot Act …which, incidentally, are two other things you screwed the pooch on. Whereas this is just some of my list, you don’t have a list. I’m not sure after two decades you have an item. How does a meticulous truth seeker get it wrong, every time? It’s easy, you start with disreputable news sources or Russian disinformation and extrapolate from there. Find.The.News.

This is the astounding part, the fact you haven’t realized the pattern …or, how about this old one: Much Like A Cuff And Ropeless S&M Club, Republican Ignorance Knows No Bounds.

I know, I know, let’s talk about Hunter Biden …right, Poke? It’s never about yesterday because yesterday is never kind to the republican narrative.


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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.