Starkville, MS—The Foresters of Boston, MA were successfully relocated to a rural Mississippi community last month as part of a national effort to reintroduce the liberal species into areas where they are all but extinct. Thus far billions of stimulus dollars have been channeled into this important project.
“If conservative thought dominates an area, it aint pretty,” said Dr. Peter Gallagher, a social conservationist from Brown University. “The introduction of new ideas is important for the intellectual health of a region.”
Dr. Gallagher believes liberals raised in captivity can be safely released into the bush almost anywhere in the continental U.S. One exception is Alaska. Dr. Gallagher fears liberals would be hunted by helicopter by a certain former governor.
Libertarians argue that the radio tracking collars worn by those relocated is unconstitutional.
“It’s for their own safety,” argues Gallagher. “Liberals are near extinct in Mississippi for a reason. You send someone into Jackson with an I ♥ Nancy Pelosi T-shirt and you’re going to be cutting someone down from a tree.”
Thus far results of reintroduction have been mixed.
“We’re not expecting liberal thought to thrive in these areas, but we just don’t want it to die out completely.”
Conversely, trials are underway to extend the habitats of Tea Party activists into downtown San Francisco.
“These are generally safer moves, but thus far equally as ineffective,” said Gallagher.