Major Anthony Nelson Dies One Week After Larry Hagman

Major Anthony Nelson Dies One Week After Larry Hagman

Cape Kennedy, FL—Fictional character, Anthony Nelson, has died today after a long bout of reruns finally ended on cable television. Nelson, the lead man in the wildly popular late 60s television series I Dream of Jeannie, spent 42-years working as an astronaut out of Cape Canaveral, Florida. His claim to fame was finding a Jeanie in a bottle after which he not only failed to take advantage of any wishes, but he never really got any djinn-nookie from the attractive 2,000-year old cougar, played by actress Barbara Eden.

A neighbor and colleague, Major Roger Healy, added, “I don’t get it. She was hot. Not only didn’t he tap that shit, he cocked blocked me for years.” Healy’s reaction is understandable, especially when one considers that in the late 60s everyone was nailing anything that moved, 2,000-years old or not.

Yesterday, after what many describe as a great run, Major Nelson succumbed to congestive ratings failure after WVPX in Cleveland finally stopped airing the show. The new head of NBC Universal added, “Apparently, we still get tons of letters each year addressed to Anthony Nelson. What the fuck is wrong with people?!”

Barbara Eden spoke highly of Nelson, remembering him as a man of character and integrity, but later admitted Hagman was kind of a dick.

(Visited 29 times, 1 visits today)
Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *