Super Bowl Ads Unaffordable: CBS to Replay Footage of Janet Jackson’s Breast

Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction to be re-aired

The big game has the most expensive time slots on television.  This year, since even Budweiser has taken a pass on super bowl commercials, CBS is scrambling to fill their spots with ‘vintage NFL commercials and halftime moments,’ including Janet Jackson’s infamous c-cup debacle.

“The shock value will be gone this year, of course,” said CBS president Sean McManus, “but viewers will be more prepared to enjoy the boobage, set their DVRs or, in some cases, cover the eyes of their young ones.”

McManus reports having missed the first airing of Jackson’s breast because, “I was in the can.”

When asked why CBS doesn’t simply lower the cost of these spots to match these difficult times, McManus only laughed.  CBS and the National Football League understand the lack of new beer commercials will create a void in the lives of football fans everywhere.  So CBS and the NFL are suggesting that during breaks this year people consider intercourse.  CBS would also like to add the word consensual. And, of course, they suggest an alternative if you’re at a sports bar or in some other public place.

“Oh, and if you’re single,” added McManus, “Go fuck yourself.”

McManus later added the qualifier, “but in a good way” to his earlier statement.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.