New York, NY—Ambassador Nikki Haley minced no words to the United Nation’s on Monday, as that’s her boss’s job. She did warn the 193-member General Assembly that the U.S. is prepared for a second wave of bombing raids on Syrian targets. She said, “To be clear, the United States is prepared to take unilateral action should the Coalition of the Vaguely Interested lose further interest. It wouldn’t really be unilateral, if you think about it, when all fifty states would be involved. And we will take these actions, immediately, if any more #MeToo shit comes within a mile of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.”
Ambassador Haley went on to tell the assembly, “Let’s be honest here. The United Nations will remain United just as long as they are subservient to The Donald. We have asked the UN to vote on the Kissing of the Rings ceremony scheduled at Mar-a-Lago this October.” Haley then spent the rest of her allotted time discussing the prospective fall menu and some lodging package options for those countries who ‘act now’.
At the end of the meeting, when the Ambassador thought her microphone was turned off, she was overheard telling the President of Nambia: “Yeah, he’s fucking nuts, duh. Someone shoot me.”