Fort Smith, OK—Dave “Pa” Jenkins is in a deep mound of shit today after he was discovered selling tornado shelters that, under closer scrutiny, turned out to be porta-potties. Jenkins has been selling these single units as steel reinforced storm shelters throughout tornado alley over the last several months.
“This isn’t funny,” said Joseph Quimby, mayor of an undisclosed Midwestern town. “He’s preying off twister-weary folk. And I want my money back!”
An individual who actually rode out a storm in one of these “shelters” was unavailable for comment, but he is being treated by a local community mental health center for Post Traumatic Shit Disorder.
Despite the growing controversy, Jenkins is standing by his product, “Look, you’re safe from debris in there; you can’t argue with that. Well, safe-ish.”
Jenkins is also wanted for the unlawful sale of some similarly designed, Dr. Who-style time machines.
“I call them the FARTIS,” said Jenkins. “They’re much bigger on the inside, and they double as a storm shelter.”