Washington, D.C.—President Barack Obama changed his mind today on Sony’s decision to air The Interview in theaters across America. Upon watching the Rogen/Franco production, Obama announced, “I think Sony initially had it right and I am denouncing this movie in the strongest possible terms.”
Republicans immediately accused the President of flip-flopping and of being “weak on humor”. John Q. Republican said, “This is a slippery slope. What about Chaplin’s Great Dictator or Borat’s not-so-great one? What about Sausage Party? If they all go, then you can say goodbye to Zoolander, and I refuse to let that happen, not while I am an American Senator who ran on family values and equality while banging most of the help.”
Obama promptly responded to critics, “After watching this turkey of a film, I threw up a little in my mouth, and then I called Kim Jong Un and personally apologized for America’s actions, certain South Park episodes, that internet thing, as well as for most of reality television.”
When asked about Mick Zano’s proposal, urging Rogen to “add at least ten more jokes”, Obama remained nonplussed. “Ten more jokes or ten thousand, the acid reflux would be the same. Heck, that turkey I just pardoned on Thanksgiving has nothing on this thing. Look, humor can incite violence. Crime spiked in Fargo after the movie Fargo and Ambien sales rose dramatically in Washington state after the premiere of Sleepless in Seattle. Furthermore, Raising Arizona only encouraged kidnapping in the Grand Canyon State and it’s not Always Sunny in Philadelphia, in fact, it rains there a lot. It also rains a lot in Seattle. Coincidence? I don’t know. My teleprompter crapped out two minutes ago, so I’m just making shit up.”
Republicans question whether the teleprompter “crapped out” sometime in 2010.