1. Despot Housewives
2. It’s Always Sunny in Damascus
3. Arrested Dismemberment
4. Breaking Vlad
5. My So Called Rights
Mick Zano
Mick Zano
Should Auld Retractions Be Forgot?
by Mick Zano •
The Farce Awakens: Discord Offers Star Wars Conspiracy Theory
by Mick Zano •
Pelosi’s Efforts Nets “Huge Gains” For War On Christmas
by Mick Zano •
“This may be the most significant blow to X-Mas since Seal Team Soros took out FAO Schwartz.”
—General B. Humbug
Discord Becomes ‘War On Christmas’ Headquarters
by Mick Zano •
Heat Miser Presents Climate Change Counterargument To World Leaders
by Mick Zano •
Le Bourget, FR—World leaders reconvened in France today at the request of the Heat Miser. November’s meeting at the same venue was a multinational effort hailed as “the planet’s last, best hope to stave off the impact of climate change before the Force Awakens opens.” After a thorough Palinesque vetting process, The GOP chose The Heat Miser to present the republican counterargument. The controversial marionette demanded an immediate audience with the United Nations, so over 30,000 diplomats and delegates quickly assembled.
As part of his opening remarks, The Heat Miser insisted, “This has nothing to do with the ginormous check I recently received from the Koch Brothers.” During his 17-hour filibuster-style heated rant, The Miser presented a powerpoint presentation designed to repudiate global warming. The slides included an image of a person shivering after getting out of the shower, another person defrosting a very icy freezer, and Senator James Inhofe (R-OK) holding a fully intact snowball on the floor of Congress.
Kwik-E Mart Owner Notices Muslim Bias Up, Squishee Sales Down
by Mick Zano •
Springfield, ??—Kwik-E Mart owner, Apu Nahasapeemapetilo, has experienced an increase in Muslim bias in recent weeks. The business owner points directly to several sermons by one Reverend Timothy Lovejoy of The First Church of Springfield. The store owner claims the Reverend is intentionally inciting violence against Muslims through controversial Sunday scripture quotes, such as: ‘Blessed are the camel humping, towelheads’ and ‘In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. And then for some reason he filled the shittier parts with sand, oil and Arabs’.
As War On Christmas Intensifies Santa Releases ‘No-Sleigh-Zones’
by Mick Zano •
Virtual Gunmen Storm Online University
by Mick Zano •
Virtual Space—Earlier today at SyntheTech University four computers were hacked to death and ten comment-sections were interrupted. A virtual assailant systematically stormed from room-to-virtual room unleashing malware and hate-thread speech. This incident, that many are calling an act of anti-liberalism, caused Syntax and Registry errors from C# to C++. The barrage of politically incorrect language left hundreds of coddled liberal students, virtually T-mobile. The attacker also wielded a 3D-printed Adobe firearm that blew pixilated holes into several forums, syllabi, and homework portals. Incidentally, the homework portal-part of this event was the only aspect of this tragedy The Daily Discord received no complaints. Many are left questioning, are our online universities safe for our young people, or will instances of Post Traumatic Software Disorder increase?
Republicans were quick to comment, “The only answer for a bad guy with a 3D printed Adobe firearm is a good guy with a 3D-printed Adobe firearm.”
Discord Drones Drop Liberal Propaganda Over Red States
by Mick Zano •
Alliance, NE—The Daily Discord is currently implementing an aerial outreach campaign, or Reality Intervention Initiative (RIT). Dozens of unmanned drones are being dispatched to remote areas of the country. The Discord hopes to bring ‘facts’ to regions of this country suffering from only Fox News and AM radio. Leaflets are being dropped from the sky that state: Rupert Murdoch Is The Antichrist, Socialism Can Be Fun!, Obamacare Saved My Life, and Benghazi Saved My Life. The Daily Discord plans to reach these people with real statistics and verifiable information in the hopes of gradually replacing truthiness with truth.