Washington, DC – President Obama injected yet another massive bundle of imaginary cash into the U.S. economy this week. These funds, now nearly as potent as the Canadian what-ever-the-hell-they-use, are slated to help the President’s own sinking poll numbers. The Obama Administration is hoping the proposed two-hundred billion dollars will help propel our ailing commander-and-chief back above a fifty-percent approval rating.
“I’m a narcissist who could become highly unstable if I’m not well-received,” said Obama.
He then reminded everyone of his access to a certain big red button that just “might get pressed if anyone gives me any shit about this.”
Obama hopes the sorely needed cash can repair the damage to his currently waning ‘stupid police’ vote, his limping ‘Jerry’s Kids’ vote, and his ever slipping ‘guns and religion clinging hickwad’ vote.
“Repairing my public relations missteps won’t come cheap,” said Obama. “But my plan to place Joe ‘Gaffey’ Biden on damage control should turn this ship around.”
Economists across the country warn that damage control to reverse Vice President Biden’s attempt at damage control could more than double our deficit. The Obama Administration’s economic team is downplaying this claim, but admits the next stimulus package to undo Biden’s impact will be “gi-fucking-normous.”