Wayne Gretzky Goes from the Great One to the Late One: Calls it Quits without Actually Calling

Phoenix, AZ – Wayne Gretzky “forgot” to tell everyone he didn’t want to play coach anymore and left the Phoenix Coyotes in the lurch, right before the launch of the 2009-2010 season. He was apparently doing some soul-searching involving prostitutes. He later told reporters his alarm clock didn’t go off, the bus was late, and his dog may have eaten part or all of his roster. All I can say is, with or without Wayne Gretzky, the Glendale Arena has Guinness on tap and affordable seats. Outside of the arena is West Gate with bars and restaurants of all shapes and sizes. The Yard House has over a hundred beers on tap! It’s a great sporting event. In fact, I have yet to actually make it inside for a game. Wayne Gretzky was the greatest hockey player of all time, but not the best business manager. He even let me drive the Zamboni before and after games, which shows a stunning lack of common sense.

Gretzky told reporters “The Puck Stops Here.”

He then said several other bad hockey metaphors before we both drove the Zamboni. That’s not a metaphor; two guys can drive a Zamboni. It’s good clean fun.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.