After creating diversionary scandals, damaging the republic, and tearing down the western world order, one might wonder how Republicans find the time to compromise their principles. Scandals and flip flops, flip flops and scandals abound. To meet these changes and challenges our conservative friends must reinvent themselves more often than a replicant with OCD. “You can never step into the same Republican party twice, but afterwards you should probably change your shoes.” —Heraclitus
It’s nice to see the president get a break from this whole Russia collusion thing, so he can collude with Russia. President Donald J Trump alone in a room with a former KGB agent? What a disgrace. Maybe we will find out the truth about today’s summit someday …from the Kremlin. But, hey, at least Trump’s latest tweet barrage made me laugh. One day soon these tweets will be translated as: Why didn’t Obama stop my collusion? It happened under his watch?! Thanks Obama, I thought this was America! #SomeCollusion. Watching the last 72-hours of the Mueller machinations vs our counter-reality has reached Theater of the Bizarre levels of absurdity. Hippogroan? Oh, and this morning I caught five minutes of Neil Cavuto on Fox. Wow, talk about starting your day off far right… I am soooo done with this shit, and you should be too.
My blogversary always demands answers each week to his nonsensical questions, despite their irrelevance. You can not deny that during the Frost/Nixon interview both men were wearing pants. True or False, Zano?! Both wore pants! For his latest lie-a-tribe, he’s trying to pin me down to either ‘true’ or ‘false’ statements on a series of Spygate inquiries. For those who stick to news relevant to this planet, the Hannity’s of the world have created an FBI counter-narrative designed to muddy the Russia-probe. True to form, Pokey is never interested in the past or the future, because conservatives live entirely in an ever-present news cycle of their own creation. My related zenwrongness theory points to a permanent Nirvana-like conservative political state for the terminally cheesy. Briepiphany? Dharmaesan? Presentism is a gift from our rightwing propagandists. Who knew Joseph Goebbles was so enrightened?
How does The GOP respond to another looming rightwing catastrophe? They flip the script, of course. We’re not the constitutional crisis, you and your lib-leaning FBI are the constitutional crisis. And even if Trump does turn out to be the crisis, you libs made Trump by having the audacity to call xenophobes bigots. The FBI is lousy with hipster spooks, lousy with them, I say! If Mueller’s findings end up sidelined, we should be storming the old Bastille, yet my blogvesary is focusing on “Spygate”? …you know, another fictional scandal with half the calories of Pizzagate. You have a super majority, dude, so of course we’ll investigate your feigned outrage. We always explore the rightwing conspiracy theory of the day and we do this while the last of society’s intelligentsia remains neutered. Castration without representation?
Since my blogvesary only gets his information from Alex Jones’s more conservative uncle, his last article demands more details on the Russia probe. “Objective facts! And only objective facts!” will do, because, as a Benghazi survivor himself, he wants only the straight dope. My Discord diatribes are apparently becoming too opiniony for his keen scientific sensibilities. Fine, but first I have two questions for Mr. McDooris: 1. How do you jump over a gazillion Trump/Russia mistruths without straining anything? and, 2. Does this qualify you for the 2020 summer Olympics in Tokyo?
George Orwell once said, “To see what is in front of one’s nose needs a constant struggle.” And Orwell’s nose was much smaller than yours, Zano. Let’s start with the objective facts driving the ‘FBI-wrongdoing’ narrative, as opposed to whatever you’ve been doing. My friend Mick tends to seek facts to support his assumptions, and then he goes on a weekly diatribe that makes Trump’s latest Fox & Friends interview sound like a Dalai Lama tweet.
My blogvesary recently asked me, why can’t we just discuss the issues? He then implied that I’m not really good at it. There’s a good reason we can’t just do that. In fact, I’ve been trying to convey what’s happening and why for a very long time. If we have one party severed from our key issues, or credible media sources, or competent journalists, or pertinent facts, why bother? One side is simply not up to the task. Never confuse the warrior class with the thinking class. Some California liberals may have a far left worldview, but at least they’re discussing issues relevant to this planet. The answers to all of our problems lie somewhere between our most conservative Democratic politicians to the wildest left-leaning hair on Bernie Sander’s head. You show me an idea right of Clair McCaskill (D-MO) and I will show you a delusion. Everything right of her is garbage, and you know what we do with garbage today, right? We dump it in the river behind the factory.
Amidst the Age of Ignorance, family gatherings are really starting to suck, but here’s what I’ve learned from the latest holiday gauntlet. Many of us are now facing this uncomfortable reunion reality: Hey, let’s get a lot of people who don’t agree on anything and serve them a shit-ton of holiday cheer! The demise of the political conversation has been a long time coming, but how do we protect the next generation from Republican thought? Thoughts in-and-of themselves are generally a good thing, but when it comes to the rightwing, ‘thought’ has nothing do with it. Healthy debates and exchanges of ideas are certainly the hallmark of a functional and vibrant democracy, but, umm, we don’t have one of those. Have you met President Ass-Clown Hitler?
Today’s GOP is defined by a powerful presentism. Its members are locked in a 24-hour news cycle of their own creation, which allows them the freedom to ignore their own shortsightedness. Talk about the elephant in the room. My blogvesary is a freedom guy, who just happens to blindly back a populist-tyrant. How the hell does that happen? How do you ignore our own country’s descent into a rogue state? Hell, Nazism rose as a direct result of the botched Treaty of Versailles, so what’s your excuse, my friend? Did someone try to provide you with healthcare? Awwwe, poor fella’. Republicans are like a Monkee with a gun. Last Train To Auschwitz? Zenwrongness in today’s rightwing politics marks their almost Bodhisattva-like ability to remain fixated on the wrong thing. It’s like meditating backwards, so your mind becomes noisier, more cluttered, and less disciplined. Blindfulness training? Let’s all go into the Rose Garden and focus on the sound of one of Hillary’s emails being deleted.
Republicans want us to believe they’re the common sense people, and that they alone know how the ‘real world’ works. They then proceed to elect the two most incurious presidents in our nation’s history, consecutively. Doesn’t Occam’s razor suggest something different? My blogvesary, Pokey, doesn’t think so, and he also feels I haven’t offered enough historical context for my arguments. Conservatives apparently need a genre-specific landscape painted for them. Nopointillism? Why would anyone need more brush strokes in the USA today? Perhaps my friend thinks Trump is God’s instrument. Yeah, well one man’s instrument is another man’s tool. In lieu of addressing the political challenge of our time, namely his choice for president, he continues to attempt to reanimate a series of zombie scandals. As for the actual bona fide scandals of today, to quote my friend Ling Carter, “If you can’t connect these dots, we’re going to need to order some larger dots.”