Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.

Based On New Evidence Should Spygate Be Taken Seriously?

Spygate is back, kids, or how the Feds illegally spied on The Donald just for fun. My friend is sending me link after link and a clearer picture is emerging, but I don’t understand why he keeps casting me in the role of spook defender. He ignores how I protested the broad tools handed to our intelligence community in the aftermath of 9/11, predicted Fed screwups, and approve of any agents frying for these aforementioned screwups. Also, I am not, nor have I ever been against these investigations. I am keenly aware that our intelligence community has been rogue, well, ever since republicans encouraged and enabled all their rogueness. The bigger problem is this scandal’s main premise. I mean, who would willingly listen to Donald Trump if they didn’t have to? He’s probably the only one the NSA is like: Naaah, that chick in 13A is having sex again. My friend’s prevailing argument, the bullshit part, is how this spying was politically motivated. There are serious breaches here, but the prime republican directive is that they land on the doorstep of either Joe, Hillary, or Barack. And until then they will leave no Stone verdict overturned. That’s their white whale, a liberal bogeyman, a theory I predicted would never pan out. The actual Trump situation is not unlike that of the gangster, Al Capone. Back in the day, the Feds could only nab him on tax evasion. Granted, it’s not the best example: whereas Capone developed a program during the Great Depression that provided milk deliveries to his fellow Chicagoans, Trump would have detained the milk trucks until his picture was added to each carton. I would actually support Trump on this one but only because it would also imply he was missing.

Trump Pardons Anakin Skywalker For Slaughtering Entire Village Of Sand People

Tweet Tower—President Trump further tested his pardon power today, presumably in preparation for himself and his family, by pardoning disgraced Jedi Knight, Anakin Skywalker. The Jedi High Council found Skywalker guilty of a genocidal rampage that ended the lives of an entire settlement of Sand People on the planet Tatooine in the aftermath of the unfortunate death of his mother.

Factoid Evolution: Republican Crap Is Our King

Let’s take a look at how republicans continue to handle the scandal, so to speak while weaponizing ignorance. If we’re going to survive we need to crack this GOP code, because they’re on some serious crack. A rightwing conspiracy typically starts with a totally baseless origin myth. After several inquiries, these tend to morph into an unrelated factoid, a tiny truthiness morsel that surfaces during their endless inquiries. The findings of this are then exaggerated and spun and then transmitted directly into the core of the republican brain. These origin myths are usually hatched as a distraction during an uncomfortable news cycle to coverup actual wrongdoing. This Foxal matter is then watered each day by Sinclair radio and Fox & Friends until it becomes a series of growing revelations that, like a reverse mortgage, eventually leaves you out in the cold. Is there any exception? Will there ever be? Let’s take another look at good old Hunter Biden.

Cheap Parler Tricks Courtesy Of Deplorabus Unum

Conservative Americans feel slighted and forever persecuted and with good reason, they are. Most Americans are over their whole if-you-don’t-like-the-results-flip-over-the-graph line of reasoning. They’re not going to stop peddling their conspiracy theories anytime soon or, more accurately, ever. The right has a threefold approach to making their Fantasy Island become a new reality for us all. First, abandon existing journalism outright. If anyone was still wondering, this phase is complete. Second, find a social media platform that’s, how should I say it? …think post-lobotomy Walter Mitty. Then, for the pizza-gate de resistance, you just have to create a news network that will make Fox seem, well, fair and balanced. As for this dark web I’m forced to live vicariously through my blogvesary, who’s up to his old Parler tricks.

*The headline is Roman for ‘out of the many, dumb.’ I think.

Macy’s Day Parade Captures Essence Of 2020

New York, NY—Al Roker and company covered the 94th annual Macy’s Day Parade to mixed reviews. A trailer filled with children in cages was the first controversial float to roll down 34th street to the backdrop of the boarded-up Macy’s storefront. They were followed by the Rockettes packing the new RPG-7s that Trump is selling the Saudis to help with his Wag The War on Christmas. And, even though 34th Street is fairly level, things went straight downhill from there.

Embrace Acceptance By The Pussy

Since moving to the southwest I’ve been to Vegas dozens of time but, today, amidst a pandemic, this place has an edge to it. Vegas always had an edge to it, but this is different. Less costumes downtown, more panhandlers, zero Elvis impersonators. What am I doing here, you might ask? Don’t. But then I thought, where better to watch the fall of Rome than from the shadow of Caesar’s Palace? As for blogging, I’m not sure what to say anymore. I told you so comes to mind. With or without Trump, our real issues are only beginning. But my friend and blogvesary made an observation about himself that struck me: I take in information and look at everything and can thus change my views based on new emerging evidence. Of course, by new emerging evidence, he means QAnon and Kremlin dispatches, but I responded with: well, when you’re batting a thousand why change your stance, or grip, or some such. Damn, no Elvis impersonators? I guess Elvis has truly, well …you know.

Let’s Let Trump Self-Pardon If He Agrees To Leave Office Now

Hey, kids, that dystopia I ordered twenty years ago finally arrived! Now if I could only get that decoder ring. Whereas Trump’s pending departure is welcome, it won’t be in time to save us. Trump broke a lot of shit and I’m guessing he’ll break more on the way out. Lest we forget we are still amidst a populist uprising, not just here but everywhere—a movement driven by a profound collective delusion that their twisted worldview makes sense. And, sure, Joe’s Lincoln tour will work with the Project itself, but not the common citizenry. With the Lincoln Project is there a chance to restore the republican intelligentsia, Zano? No, I thought I just said that. Keep up. The problem is 9 out of 10 republicans aren’t even aware they have a problem. They seem to have cheerfully elected two of the most incompetent boobs we’ve ever seen, consecutively, and they are more motivated than ever to reelect even less savvy and stable leaders. The right swept the courts, their turnout was strong, and they’ve likely held the Senate. Seventy million people voted for this idiot. Any candidate who can walk and chew gum will be poised to beat the incumbent in 2024 and shift the country once again toward a dysfunctional autocracy. They are resolute in their ignorance. A Biden loss is already baked into the cake as, much like Clinton and Obama, they’ve left us a MAGA-mess. As for unity, Joe will be banging his head against the wall for a while until he figures out his naivety. Hey, but if we all bang our heads long and hard enough we can level the playing field a bit. McConnell and Company are not going to budge from Mount Doom. It’s like the Buddha fixed at the base of that bodhi tree, only in our case it’s a turtle-man, Sith lord squatting under a Whomping Willow.