Canton, OH—When a drone ended up over 1,700 miles off course and in the laps of Fred and Margret Montaigne, the Pentagon called it a “major malfunction.” New facts have emerged that the exploded couple were the in-laws of the same drone operator, Major Gary Horowitz.
“I don’t think that’s a coincidence,” said the Discord’s field reporter, Cokie McGrath. “A coincidence is when Bone and Zano get thrown out of the same bar, the same night, for different reasons. This is suspicious.”
Army psychiatrist Dr. Sterling Hogbein admits Horowitz’s behaviors during the days and weeks preceding the incident were odd. “He would scribble Must Drone In-Laws Nicholson-Shining-style for hours on end,” said Dr. Hogbein. “And each time I’d show him an inkblot, he’d say, ‘It looks like a drone targeting my in-laws. I am a drone operator, you know. This is a cry for help.’ Anyway, I don’t know how anyone could expect me to connect those dots.”
When pressed further, Dr. Hogbein became defensive, “Look, no one could have seen this coming, except maybe the Montaigne’s, of course, from about mile out.”