Washington, DC — Will the real Sith Lord please standup? Mounting evidence suggests the Sith Master is not former Vice President Dick Cheney, but rather Obama’s right hand man, Rahm Emanuel. 

Are these two only masquerading as political rivals?  Is Cheney only going on the attack early as a diversion?  Did Cheney finish off the Constitution for his master’s ultimate purpose? 

When interrogators were failing to get confessions proving any link between Iraq and Al-Qaeda back in 2003, Dick Cheney sent a memo to General Geoffrey Miller at Abu Ghraib that read, “Perhaps we can find new ways to motivate them.” 

According to an unnamed high ranking official, Emanuel and Cheney waited to seize power only after human cloning was possible to create their clone army.  Homeland Security is now working on something called a ‘Death Star’ and Janet Napolatano, the perfect dupe, is heading the project under the guise of ‘keeping America safe.’ 

The same unnamed official believes the diabolic duo made only one glaring mistake. Shortly after the election, Cheney’s man-sized safe was moved to Rahm Emmanuel’s office and the words Darth Dick were changed to Darth Rahm. The man-sized safe is believed to house hundreds of pictures from CIA secret prisons in both regular and glossy.

This credible source refuses to come forward, because “They can choke me from a distance.”  It is also feared that any traditional witness protection program, beefed up or otherwise, would prove ineffective against a Sith Lord or his apprentice.  This reporter will not divulge any sources due to the extraordinary circumstances surrounding this case.  Please don’t make me do it, Fitzgerald. They’ll get me for sure!