Santa Monica, CA—After being rushed to UCLA Hospital after slamming her sports car into an unmarked dump truck, actress and problem child, Lindsay Lohan, told reporters, “Dump trucks should be forced to wear lighter clothing or should be covered in more blinking lights so people don’t crash into them after drinking.”
Lohan’s crusade against all things cloaked is not stopping there. The 26-year-old feels a similar initiative should apply “to all telephone poles, buildings, and pedestrians known to walk along roads.”
Miss Lohan’s suggestions are not, as yet, gaining much momentum. Her initiative earlier in the year to “Make the Pacific Coastal Highway Less Windy” has also gained little support from California residents.
“Look,” said Lohan, “I’m not saying it has to be straight as an arrow, but you try driving that bitch at over 100 mph with the spin monsters, bitches.”