Military Wiccans Denounce Don’t Cast Don’t Spell

Military Wicca keep an evil eye on US enemies

Washington, DC – Military witches everywhere are pleased about a potential change in military policy. Existing legislature, established in the early nineties, has prevented those of the Wiccan faith from serving openly in the armed forces.

“Military issue cauldrons for the purpose of casting the evil eye on Al-Qaeda are long overdue,” said Colonel Saunders. “Besides, if women want to run around naked outside of the base all night, well, let’s just say I have mighty fine pair of military issue night vision goggles.”

When explained that followers of Wicca can be both male and female, Saunders became visibly upset.

“I said witches…witches implies female. Although warlocks have the word ‘war’ in their name, which is cool and all, this here legislature is designed for women folk. Now stop talking about fellas before you turn my voyeuristic exploits into a god-damn sausage fest.”

In response, Hecate is bestowing a curse on anyone who witnesses a Wicccan ritual with night vision goggles or any similar such device.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.