Danville, KY—After completely losing control of the first presidential debate on Wednesday, moderator Jim Lehrer will be replaced by one of the National Football League’s recently laid off referees. Although the name of the finalist is not known at this time, the Commission on Presidential Debates is hoping to appoint “that asshole who F-d up the end of that Packers’ game.”
A key member of the Commission’s board of directors, John C. Danforth, told reporters, “The NFL’s replacement refs are now currently unemployed and replacement is already in their names, so they were the obvious choice.”
Skeptics think this may be the worst idea since SNL’s Land Shark hosted the 1976 Debate, wherein the Democratic Vice Presidential nominee, Walter Mondale, was partially devoured in front of nearly 70-million horrified viewers.
When asked about replacing the most prominent presidential moderator in recent history, Danforth added, “Look, could you imagine if Lehrer loses control of the VP debate next week? Just picture Joe Biden making Bill Clinton look like Marcel Marceau!”
When asked who the hell is that, Danforth replied, “I don’t know any other mimes or mute people so…wait, wait, that fat director guy who was kicked out of that plane! Silent Rob!”