Happy Cranksgiving: Hey Congress, How ‘Bout a Reach Around?

The Crank

The U.S. Postal Service was established in 1775 – you have had 234 years to get it right; current worth – zero dollars.

Social Security was established in 1935 – you have had 74 years to get it right current worth – zero dollars.

Fannie Mae was established in 1938 – you have had 71 years to get it right; current worth – zero dollars.

War on Poverty started in 1964 – you have had 45 years to get it right, current worth – zero dollars

Medicare and Medicaid were established in 1965 – you’ve had 44 years to get it right; current worth – zero dollars

Freddie Mac was established in 1970 – you have had 39 years to get it right; current worth – zero dollars.

Liberals believing that the government can effectively and efficiently run a nationalized health care program – PRICELESS.

This is the time of year we should all sit around and relive the last year and realize we all have a lot to be thankful for.  Sure, I’m not dead.  My family is healthy and I still have a roof over my head. BUT, at my age, I have worked tirelessly (you try driving for my co. with no tires) for years to get myself in a place where I feel comfortable. I do not want charity, but I also do not need my own government working against me, either.

So here be my Crank You list (holiday edition):

Crank You: Mr. Bawney Fwank for insisting your boyfriend at Fanne Mae start the recession by offering homes to people that couldn’t get a mortgage on a fucking fridge carton.

Crank You: Little Timmy (Barney Fife) Geithner for being asleep at the wheel of the New York Fed while Wall Street Burned. Then telling everybody it was Bush’s fault.

Crank You: Hank Paulson for saving your ex-coworkers asses at the expense of the rest of the world, all the while making sure there would be no “Perp-Walks” for your bff’s.

Crank You: Chris Dodd for thinking of yourself above all else instead of listening to John McCain when he alerted the Senate in ‘05 about the upcoming debacle that would be Fanne Mae and Freddy Mac.

Crank You:  All the Independents that bought the Media Kool-Aid about Obama and now are kicking ME in the ass for it.

Crank You:  Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid for not having one living brain cell between the two of you. Liberal Uber Alles!!

Crank You:  The States of Nevada, California, Massachusetts, Connecticut and Illinois for electing these idiots so they can rule the whole country. Now everyone that lives in the aforementioned states that voted for these bastards come over to me and turn around so I can hit you all in the back of you fucking heads.

Crank You: General Electric Inc. for prostituting your own media outlets, and therefore, bringing about the beginning of the end of all traditional media to further your bottom line by helping get Obama elected while standing to make billions being heavily invested in the Crap-And-Turd thing.

And above all, Crank You: Mr. President, for the being aloof, self important, dimwitted, egocentric, and otherwise evil asshole that you are.

And finally, a big Crank You to everyone out there in the government, working so hard to help me.  They said they were going to help me in my dealings with the credit card industry. They were going to enact strict rules about interest, timelines, etc. Hey, Mahvelous idea, guys. Really! They THEN told the credit card companies exactly what they were going to do, and when they were going to do it, (gee, I wonder why they did that…) so that the credit card companies could race to the post offices with notices of how they now felt they were very “pre-fucked”, and they were taking it out on moi, raising a 6% to a 19%, and making a perfectly affordablepayoff now totally out of the question. Uh, wut?  WOW, I’m starting to feel the love, Nancy dear.

Now, with the HMOs starting to feel the love with healthcare reform being forced into our asses like a cleanout suppository before the Gay Poker Night Extravaganza (GPNE), they made getting healthcare through my wife’s job exponentially more expensive, as it came time to renew the plan for next year. Oh well, I guess that knee replacement I been a waitin’ fer will be put off a-mite. I can always hobble. I’m gittin REAL good at hobblin’. Uh, thanx agin’, there, Harry.

So my plea to Nancy and Harry and Barack and the rest of this F’d-up government is STOP HELPING ME!  And if you insist on helping me any more, how ‘bout a reach around?

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