Will Climate Change Ruin This Island’s Dream Of Becoming The Millennium Falcon?

Key Least, FL—The effects of climate change is set to the dash the hopes and dreams of one intrepid man and the small island community who shares his vision. Stanley Dorkmeyer, a huge fan of the Star Wars franchise, is bent on crafting his homeland into the same specifications as Han Solo’s ship, the Millennium Falcon. Dorkmeyer conceived of the original concept in 1977, shortly after the release of the original Star Wars film. If more damaging storms, coastal flooding and mass extinctions do not resonate with you, hopefully the plight of this small island will move you to climate action. Dorkmeyer, now 57, is still living on the island in his parent’s basement.

As for the latest news, residents are all but abandoning their forty year dream. Dorkmeyer said the challenges presented for the mission are mounting. The corrosion of a reef on their western shore, overall sea level rise, and a recent bounced check from Kevin Smith has all but doomed the endeavor.

Dorkmeyer told journalists today, “The water around the island is getting deeper. You used to be able to walk to shore now their talking about building a walking bridge to the beach. I guess that could be a tether, but it means the Island Falcon will always be spacedocked, which was not my original vision.”

Instead of losing all hope, Dorkmeyer’s focusing on a New Hope, aka his latest project to create a life-sized and orbiting replica of the Death Star out of sytrofoam cups. “Styrofoam can survive the icy cold of space and if you want a hot coffee you can just pull of a container,” explained Dorkmeyer. “It’s another design flaw the Empire missed.”

 

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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