Washington, DC—President Obama told reporters today his stimulus package is more of a long term job enhancement plan than a short term fix.

“We want you and your partner to get to work when the time is right for both of you…2011, 2012, whatever,” said Obama. “It’s best not to rush these things.”

Side effects of the job creation delay can include: poverty, homelessness, and a hobo-like body odor. If you do receive a job from the stimulus package and you experience shift-work that lasts more than eight hours, notify your Union Steward immediately.

In rare instances, you may experience considerably less free time during weekdays after accepting a stimulus created job. Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery while at a stimulus-created job, unless you were hired for a job that requires the operation of heavy machinery. Do not attempt a stimulus job if you are still accepting unemployment compensation, as the combination may cause an unsafe drop in wages. Do not take stimulus created jobs if you are not healthy enough for vocational activity.

Call today about your stimulus job, or, better yet, wait until next month some time.