Tweet Tower—Only hours after the announcement of Justice Anthony Kennedy’s pending retirement, President Trump tweeted his intention to fill the Supreme Court vacancy in a timely manner. He later announced that he’d be using his friends at Speedy Temp to hire a competent and professional Supreme Court Justice “minus all of the usual red tape.” Moments ago the president signed an executive order that skips the whole “nomination/congressional approval thing,” which he hopes will make the transition for Supreme Court Justice Larry faster and smoother.
Speedy Temp spokesperson, Travis Hustle, said, “We help businesses hire only the very best employees (exclamation points implied), so you don’t have to think about it. We at Speedy Temp have been preparing for this day since Trump’s nomination, knowing full well the president is a silent investor in our company…oops…and we have this guy Larry who’s been waiting to be judgy since last Wednesday. We thoroughly vet all of our candidates with our own vetting temp temps.”
President Trump said, “Supreme Court Justice Larry is going to be the best judge in the history of the galaxy! He’s only 22, so we can expect he’ll be doing my bidding for a long time to come. This guy can multitask like no one’s business. He’s going to help the Trump Organization while upholding the Declaration of Codependence.”
Attorney Harriet Miers was unavailable for comment.