As Trump Implodes I Would Like To Take A Moment To Remember The Brain Trusts Who Made Trump Possible

As Trump flares and burns across the night sky like a shooting star with too much beta-carotene, Fox News recently tweeted this gem. Last week, instead of covering the news, they got tens of thousands of people to retweet something that should be an embarrassment to their brand. Granted, finding Republican accomplishments is fast becoming Bigfoot rare, but this is absurd even by Fox News ‘standards’. Look at that above image again …take as long as you need. Sure Bush and Trump inherited strong economiesoperative word ‘inherited’. Simply put, history will grade Obama and Clinton’s economic prowess and accomplishments light-years ahead of Dubya and Trump’s. So you can shove the rest of your 24/7 anecdotal drivel up Hannity’s America (Mick drop).

Take a gander at the most recent 90-historian presidential ranking, here. If you’re a Republican, in the immortal words of Warren Zevon, “It aint that pretty at all.” Do you really believe Trump is your comeback kid? If you voted for an authoritarian man-child to protect your liberties, you’re a fool. I do not know what else to call such a shortsighted and reckless act. Ass-Clown’s reign will end worse than even that Sopranos finale. Don’t Stop Deceiving?

Of course, in unison, Republicans are saying: Now you know how we felt under Obama. I’ll never know how you people feel, unless between periods of the next playoff game I decide to place my head in front of a Zamboni. You felt the same under Obama because of your inability to interpret world events and basic economic indicators.

For those who “suffered” under Obama, here’s my liberal v conservative whining scoreboard:

Conservative Whining: What bathroom do I use, honey? There’s so many weirdos around! Growth this quarter is only 2.9%, yuck!

Liberal Whining: I don’t know if the crops will survive the nuclear winter, Emma. Let’s eat Bobby. He has a preexisting condition anyway.

Speaking of preexisting conditions, if TrumpCare passes the Senate 95% of our citizens will be one major medical procedure or illness away from economic ruin. How did nearly 63-million people convince themselves Trump, or any Republican for that matter, could help? Grey matter matters? How did it get this bad? Well, read more Zano.

Never mind our environmental issues, our dwindling resources, our unsustainability, or our disparity of wealth. Stay forever focused on how any minute the Mexicans, in conjunction with ISIS, will be taking your job, your gun, and your wife. Yeah, just keep avoiding the 800lb orangutan in the room. On a good note, Trump will likely keep all these things from happening …uh, the ones that weren’t ever actually going to happen.

Sean Hannity spent the night Trump fired Comey talking about how Comey’s exit really was all about Hillary’s emails and, stranger still, his mistreatment of her. What?

“The further a society drifts from the truth, the more it will hate those that speak it.”
George Orwell

In my personal life, every time I try to state a simple, yet inarguable fact it is met with a Republican-style scoff. Over the years I’ve covered the increased tendency of Republicans to cheer lies and boo facts. This isn’t about Trump. As we all watch ass-clown’s blood spill into the water, lest we forget, Trump was always too stupid to be president. The real takeaway is how the GOP is too ignorant to be a political party.

According to Chait the only thing our Republican friends learned from Dubya’s reign was how they didn’t appreciate his tendency to be inclusive. Conservatives didn’t like his sensible approach to immigration reform or his unwillingness to call all Muslims terrorists. Really? That’s Incurious George’s only failings? …you mean, his scant moments of wisdom? If that’s the take away message from the Bush years, again, what is left to talk about? Despite electing two of the most incompetent people to ever hold the oval office, conservatives have shown zero insight into their own incompetence. Will they learn anything from ass-clown? Yes, he wasn’t conservative enough.

That isn’t a joke.

Andrew Sullivan over at the Daily Intelligencer is all jazzed that our system of checks and balances is still holding 100 days in. Wow. Setting the bar low, are we? Sully believes, wrongly, that our Constitution will survive and this administration will finally break the Republican’s fever. No and no. There is zero indication of this, anywhere, any news cycle. In fact, the relative IQ of the GOP is bottoming out like the U.S.S Nimitz in the National Mall’s reflecting pool. What’s worse is no matter how incompetent they become, they still gain in popularity and influence. White Lies Matter? This is why our country is doomed. Under Republican leadership we are simply too stupid to run the free world. Let someone else do it, anyone else. Someone call Uganda.

Trump’s toddler-like attempts to legislate is like watching that old American Tourister commercial. Remember, when they handed a piece of luggage to a gorilla to test its endurance? An orangutan is jumping all over our system of checks and balances as America boards an overbooked United flight. Worse still, it’s occurring during a super majority with no honey roasted peanuts or inflight movie. Please return your tray to the full upright and locked position. We are approaching some heavy turbulence …and we’re also out of coffee.

 

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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