dailyDiscor

Pierce Winslow

Pierce Winslow is the Discord's Brain, Chief Engineer and C.E.O. He co-founded the Discord along with Mick Zano in 2008 and they have both been sorry ever since.

Apology XCV: Why Zano’s Botched Trump-Tweet Coverage Is Grounds For Dismissal

pierceWinslow

Some have taken note of a pause in my periodic Apology column. I can assure you this so-called “pause” amounts only to a period of time wherein I could not bring myself to my job. It takes almost a superhuman editorial strength to acknowledge some of the rampant journalistic abuses all to common in this rag of a website. Zano is both the Head Comedy Writer as well as the Chief Editor, but his tendancy to post articles around last-call is becoming concering to say the least. His recent coverage of the first Democratic debate is the last straw. The incident is even worse than previously indicated as I will attempt to explain (operative word: attempt).

Apology XVX: I Am Going To Fix This Or My Pseudonym Isn’t Pierce Winslow

pierceWinslowRecently The Discord has fallen below its usual high level of journalistic excellence. As CEO I have identified the problem as the general weed availability in the Flagstaff area. Too much or too little has yet to be determined. In our recent Putin Syria coverage, we implied the Russian fighter was the adversary from Rocky II when actually he was from Rocky IV. On a similar note, I don’t know what XVX even means numerically. We have had so many apologies over the years I can no long count that high in roman numerals. I believe Rocky XVX fought Cthulhu, right? I would fire Zano, but in the past this has only proven to further Miltonize him. On a related note, I want my stapler back.

In retrospect, I should have sent Alex Bone to the Vikings Lives Matter rally instead of Cokie McGrath…

A Couple of Quick Points

Pierce Winslow

I hate to get sucked into these debate things between Zano and McDooris, but there are a couple of things that need to be said.

First:

Pseudo-quote the Constitution: “The constitutionality of any given issue is to be determined by the Supreme Court of the US.” Given that, and that said Supreme Court ruled that the Healthcare Mandate is constitutional, it is constitutional. Debate over. If you expect the hospitals to fix your sorry ass after an accident, regardless of your ability to pay (your right to Life), you have an obligation to help fund that. Just because your rights include being so irresponsible as to not cover your own ass (your right to Liberty), that doesn’t not give you the right to have me to pay for saving said ass, like it or not. The mandate ensures my right to have reasonable healthcare costs despite your irresponsibility (my right to Happiness).

Second:

ISIS is about as Muslim as the KKK is Christian. The argument has been made that since the Koran contains talk of Jihad, and all Muslims must believe in the Koran, that any Muslim not blowing up a mall is not really a Muslim. Lettuce examine the Bible. Here is a list of offenses from the Bible that carry the death penalty:

Murder
Adultery
Bestiality
Rape
Sodomy
Picking up sticks on the Sabbath
A betrothed woman who does not cry out while being raped
A woman who is found not to have been a virgin on the night of her wedding
Worshiping other gods
Witchcraft
Taking the Lord’s name in vain or cursing his name
Cursing a parent
Kidnapping

Of course, in typical Republican fashion you can buy your way out of any of those except pre-meditated murder, but I digress… So, anyone not whipping out the stoning squad for saying “God Damn it!” or building a campfire on Saturday isn’t really a Christian. Then I guess we should have a lot of vacant fancy buildings around town, huh? Islam has evolved as has Christianity. Yes, there are those that live still live in the Bronze Age on both sides. There are also those that site those ancient, now anecdotal excerpts as rallying cries to incite radicalism, but they are the vast minority. To suggest that we as a nation need to launch a military campaign through the Middle East based upon that is medieval thinking; very crusade-like you might say (and historically a disaster). I prefer the age of enlightenment myself. Except for that part where if my brother croaks then I have to bang his wife (another death penalty thing). That rocks.

So, Zano and McDooris, I have resolved your arguments. Enough already. Can we get on with the discussions of midget porn and squirrel water skiing? Jesus Christ…oh, Mohammed…Apollo?