Clearlake, CA— Earlier today a massive wildfire consumed the last water in California. Governor Jerry Brown declared a state of emergency…from Seattle. Witnesses describe Clear Lake as disappearing amidst a fiery inferno of steamy evaporation. This picture was taken right before the fire tornado expanded and swept over the lake, sucking up sharks, wine bars, and countless creatures on Nancy Pelosi’s endangered species list.
Los Angeles, CA—As the super drought looms, prospects for the 2nd largest state in America looks grim. With water waning and an overdue earthquake promising to slide parts of southern California into the ocean, Californians are acting on an instinctual impulse. They are doing what every civilization has done, just prior to its collapse, for tens of thousands of years. They’re starting to build pyramids.
Governor Jerry Brown is sympathetic to the cause, “We all know ancient aliens have put messages into our DNA and these messages are triggered during certain evolutionary stages. But, who knew, it also happens right before pending cataclysms. So we’re going to build some pyramids and then do what the Mayans did.”