Last of California’s Water Lost To Another Fucking Wildfire

Firefighters battle the Powerhouse wildfire at the Angeles National Forest, with the fire now having destroyed several homes near the Lake Hughes area in California June 1, 2013. The Powerhouse Fire remained at 15 percent containment after ravaging over 5,600 acres of the forest by Saturday evening.   REUTERS/Gene Blevins  (UNITED STATES - Tags: DISASTER ENVIRONMENT) ORG XMIT: GRB016

Clearlake, CA— Earlier today a massive wildfire consumed the last water in California. Governor Jerry Brown declared a state of emergency…from Seattle. Witnesses describe Clear Lake as disappearing amidst a fiery inferno of steamy evaporation. This picture was taken right before the fire tornado expanded and swept over the lake, sucking up sharks, wine bars, and countless creatures on Nancy Pelosi’s endangered species list.

The fire turned the lake to steam as firefighters were forced to use Gatorade to douse the spreading flames. Civilian drones and medical marijuana also hindered fire fighting efforts, while onlookers looked on lookingly. I really need another job.

“We can get along without water for a while,” said Clear Lake resident Jeb Turley. “We’ll be just fine until the Circle Ks run out. I think they get their water from Lake Dasani and I haven’t heard of no drought there.  I’m also an almond grower and that lake could have netted me seven more bags of almonds. I guess now when we’re standing around the water cooler at work, we’ll just be standing. I think that’s what hurts the most.”

 

 

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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