Washington, DC—Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) dropped a bombshell earlier this week and all but admitted the Benghazi investigations were a political ruse, designed to hurt Hillary Clinton politically. Since then many questions about these committees are surfacing. What were republicans really doing behind closed doors during all those meetings with all that Kleenex and lotion? If it was a circle jerk on the taxpayers dime, as many believe, doesn’t that fly in the face of conservative values?
“Nothing flew in anyone’s face,” insisted Senator John Q. Republican, “That would be gross. Look, we may not be very good at reaching across the aisle, but under no circumstances do we do the ‘reach around’. We are all well respected members of Congress so we have people for that.”
The Discord’s Mick Zano said, “You know they were getting desperate when they demanded the late Ambassador Stevens testify. But if these jerks were just jerking off on our dime, committee after committee, then we should just leave that dime on that ground where we found it and back away slowly.”
AM Radio anti-personality, Rush Limbaugh, added, “There’s no excuse for telling the truth. How does that happen in this day and age with this political party? Kevin McCarthy must step down. There’s no place for that kind of behavior in our tent. Didn’t you notice the depiction of the clown and the trapeze on the sign on the way in?”
When asked if any right wing media sources would offer a retraction after lying for years about these hearings, Senator John Q. Republican said, “No. We plan to refocus our efforts on Hillary’s email and then form a special exploratory committee to make something else up. Oh, and there’s a sausage party at my house tonight, fellas! BYOBSS, Bring Your Own Bullshit Scandal. Seriously, we’re running low.”