Narnia—The Shuddering Wood earned its name after two violent explosions occurred earlier today. The aftermath of a Predator Drone attack left seven innocent mythical creatures dead, dozens injured, and many others asking the question, how could this have happened in a mythical place? The number of U.S. Drone attacks on Narnian soil has increased markedly in recent weeks, which has further strained Narnian-U.S. relations. The Pentagon is calling the botched drone attack “a major fuck-up.” Major Fuckup was unavailable for comment.
Four minotaurs, two centaurs, and one faun were reportedly frolicking near the western end of the Shuddered Wood when eye witnesses claim all hell broke loose.
“It was all really peaceful like and then, all of a sudden, the manure hit the windmill,” said Nimienus a local faun. “That’s not a metaphor, there’s still a clump dangling off one of the mill’s sails.”
The Drone attacks were ordered after the Pentagon received what they thought to be a credible tip regarding the whereabouts of the White Witch. President Obama called the incident “deeply regrettable” and extended his sincerest apology to Prince Caspian. Obama hopes the White Witch will be apprehended soon and that U.S. and Narnian relations can return toward “an agenda based on mythical goals and mythical respect.”
“But until then,” Obama warned, “I’m dropping more bombs on that evil bitch’s ass.”