A Cranky Morning in New York

The Crank

It seems as though the powers that be in New York decided to wrongly arrest over 120 honest Italian-American businessmen for so-called organized crime connections. Thanks to the New York Village Voice here are some of those patriots:

VINCENT AULISI, also known as “The Vet” due to his love for animals.

GIOVANNI VELLA, also known as “John Vella,” “Mousey” and “Little John” named after a hero from Robin Hood.

DENNIS DELUCIA, also known as “Fat Dennis,” aka “Little Dennis” aka “the Beard”.  Church every Sunday with the kids.

LUIGI MANOCCHIO, also known as “Baby Shacks,” aka “The Old Man,” aka “the Professor.”  He loved Gilligan’s Island (perhaps too much)

ANTHONY DURSO, also known as “Baby Fat Larry” aka “BFL.”  Still a kid at heart

JOHN HARTMANN, also known as “Lumpy,” aka “Fatty” aka “Fats” with a heart as big as his stomach.

Etc and so forth.  Now, seeing as how the real criminals of this country are not honest businessmen from Canarsie Brooklyn, but reside or work in Washington D.C. The list of the top twenty nicknames are as follows:

  1. Barack “Obozo” Obama for embezzling 3 trillion dollars from his employer
  2. Joe “Joey Trenchmouth” Biden for single handedly raising healthcare costs by having to have his foot surgically removed from his mouth daily at the ER (so would it be single footedly?)
  3. Rahm “Deadfish” Emmanuel for protection rackets (also not wanted in Chicago)
  4. Nancy “Nancy Botox” Pelosi for sheer stupidity
  5. House Majority Leader John “Johnny Fake & Bake” Boehner for crying under the influence
  6. Representative Barney “Backdoor Barney” Frank for prostitution
  7. Senator John “The Cryptkeeper” McCain for talking out of both sides off his mouth
  8. Secretary Hillary “hairyleggs” aka “pant suit” Clinton
  9. Secretary Janet “The Dikenator” Napolitano for lying on her resume
  10. Attorney General Eric “Mr. Winfrey” Holder for high treason
  11. Newt “Geico” Gingrich for bad hair
  12. Senator Joe “Joey Switchhitter” Leiberman for being invariably wrong on both sides of the aisle
  13. Press Secretary Robert “Smuggy Bear” Gibbs for truth stretching
  14. Senior Advisor David “Trust Me” Axelrod for lying to his employers (us)
  15. Secretary of The Treasury Timothy “Timmy Tax Shelter” Geithner for tax evasion
  16. Secretary Of Education Arne “Short eyes” Duncan for pedophilia
  17. Representative Anthony “Tony Ticked Off” Weiner for insulting his Jewish heritage and other hate crimes
  18. Karl “Connie Chrome Dome” Rove for blinding low flying aircraft
  19. Richard “Dickey Shotgun” Cheney, the ringleader of this crime family
  20. Federal Chairman Ben “Benny Big Pockets” Bernanke (guess)
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