420 Happens So Slowly Herbologists Believe By 2020 It Will Occur On 421

Taos, NM—Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and Bait Shop, believes 420 and the related spike in marijuana use is subtly altering the rotation of the Earth’s axis. Dr. Hogbein explains, “This is a form of time travel. It’s not just about all the weed and the resulting slow moving hipsters, there’s an additional factor thus far missed by science. What science ignores is all the associated convenience-store munchies. Remember how right before their own time travel adventures, Bill & Ted said there were strange things afoot at the Circle-K? It’s not tachyon particles, convenience store food is the key to time travel. Once Cheetos, Twinkies and chili dogs are combined with the existing cannabinoidic receptors of the brain, I believe a small Snack Gate can open within the neural snacknaptic clefts of the temporal lobe.”

When asked how much weed was required to hatch this theory, Dr. Hogbein became agitated. “Don’t you understand the implications? You remember the show Stargate SG-1? I’m saying, Spliffgate-THC would be more accurate. In fact, Snack Gates in the brain of hipsters could ultimately create much larger Snack Holes creating Temporal Hot Pockets™, or THC THPs capable of tearing the very time/slurpee continuum asunder! Or, at least this is what I tell my wife when I’m doing related ‘research’ by the 7-11.”

When black hole theorist Stephen Hawking publicly ridiculed this theory, Dr. Hogbein said, “Yeah, well, Dr. Stephen Huffing doesn’t agree because he has a decidedly different drug of choice.”

 

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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