Ancient Skeletal Remains May Just Be Keith Richards

Manila, PHL—The skeletal remains of a two-thousand year old corpse found buried alongside of a bottle of Smirnoff in the sands of the Philippines, may simply be that of rock icon Keith Richards. The guitar legend has been missing since a party held last Friday night.

Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and Bait Shop, said, “Sometimes Mr. Richards gets bombed, other times he gets embalmed.” The archeologist reports that halfway through the excavation Mr. Richards stood up, mumbled something to his crew, and then staggered back toward Manila.  Undeterred by the setback, Dr. Hogbein has named the find Homo Britvodkus and announced to the archeological community, “Before there was a Java Man, there was a Vodka Man.”

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.