Study Suggests a Dark Coloring Prejudice in America

L. Wolfe

An AC 360 segment on CNN all but proved something truly sinister.  Their recent study indicates that American children are impacted at very early ages by a society built upon subliminal, insidious racism against dark skinned cartoon children.  A follow up study conducted by 36-DD here at the Daily Discord has shown the impacts are even more far reaching than originally believed.

Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and Titty Bar, released this statement today, “The bitch told me she was 18.”  He then uttered a far more relevant statement, “American children are trained by society to hate anything that is dark, not just dark cartoon children.”

In a 36-DD study, kids most often chose the dark toast as the "bad" toast
In a 36-DD study, kids most often chose the dark toast as the "bad" toast

The study, sponsored by the Vanilla White Toast Society (VWTS), asked young children from various backgrounds questions about, well, toast.  The children were shown 5 pictures of toast, ranging in color from very light (almost white) to very dark (almost black).  The children were then asked a series of questions, such as “Which toast is the bad toast?” and “Which toast should be segregated?” or even “Which toast would Rand Paul throw out of a country club?” In every case, according to the study, children always chose the dark toast as the toast with negative traits and chose the moderately colored toast as the toast associated with good traits.  According to Hogbein, “American children are brainwashed from an early age to associate black with bad.”  Even follow-up questions confirmed the disturbing aversion away from dark colored toast.  When they identified the darkest colored toast as the bad toast, children were then asked, “Why is that the bad toast?” and, with quizzical looks at the questioner, the children almost invariably responded, “Would you eat toast as black as that, asshole?” The lightest toast was actually never chosen.  When asked about this, most children said, “Because that’s just bread, not toast, asshole.”

The 36-DD study found this disturbing trend across almost all food groups: pizza, vanilla pudding, pumpkin pie.  In each and every case, the darkest versions were associated with the bad traits and the lighter versions with the good traits (well, chocolate cake was an exception.  Oh, and the children also seemed to enjoy the dark beer over the light beer).  Perhaps the children associated dark color with bad traits because dark usually means burnt food, or because the cowboy in the black hat is always the bad guy, or because cat burglars and other bad guys are always dressed in black.

When posed with this question, Hogbein said, “Nonsense!  It’s racism!  AC 360 didn’t look at this factor in their study.  They determined it was racism when children chose the dark cartoon child as the bad child!  No, this is clearly the racist influences in America driving this preponderance of dark color = bad traits, and if that fact is good enough for Anderson Cooper, it’s good enough for me.  American society is inherently racist!  Why do you think they’re trying to stop the bad black oil from tainting our crystal waters?  Will the chemicals being used in the Gulf simply turn the oil white?  That’s my question for BP.”

This may also explain how a dazzling urbanite can be twice as competent as a certain white Texan, yet still end up with lower approval ratings in half the time.

“It’s not about Obama’s job performance,” said Hogbein.  “It’s the burnt toast phenomenon.”

Next week 36-DD looks at a new study, wherein we investigate why people who own automobiles purchase more gasoline than people who don’t.

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