Modesto,CA—Last night, 27 year old Farcus Laubstein made the fateful decision to watch the Evil Dead trilogy. He did this not long after successfully hacking into a Cyborg software site and acquiring considerable summoning points in the game Runescape. The California man allegedly downed two bottles of Arctic Devil barley wine and started reciting passages from H.P Lovecraft’s fictional grimoire, the Necronomicon, “just for a goof.”
The sinister combination created an inter-dimensional rift and a subsequent chain of diabolical events not seen since the last episode of The Apprentice.
Laubstein was last heard screaming and gouging out his own eyeballs, which people who knew him claim may have been due to viewing the last episode of The Apprentice. He scratched only one word onto a nearby table, Nucttelmeron, which Hogbein believes is either a demon, or a hazelnut cocoa spread.
Laubstein’s home was burned to the ground along with any and all evidence of the hell spawn he unleashed. Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and Lube, has tried to duplicate the conditions, but has thus far only managed to summon “a wicked burp.”
His failure has not disheartened the demonologist and cross dresser. “I will repeat the conditions again and again until the desired results are reached, or my VHS tape of the Evil Dead II gives up the ghost, whichever comes first,” said Dr. Hogbein.