But Spock, there’s a cool pub near there!
Mick Zano
Mick Zano
Bugs Bunny Speaks Out On Charlottesville
by Mick Zano •
Everything You Wanted To Know About ‘Unmasking’ But Were Afraid To Disclose The Name
by Mick Zano •
As our Republic drifts ever closer to a full constitutional crisis, leave it to the deplorables to Activate, form of Diversion. In a slew of recent ‘Opening Guanologues’, Sean Hannity has demanded that Congress “put an end to this Mueller witch hunt!” Really, Sir Liesalot? Fast and Incurious? Fox and Frauds are opting out of covering Ass-Clown’s demise and are instead shifting focus to the former Attorney General, Susan Rice (among other things). They would like her to hang for her ‘unmasking’ of some Trump campaigners on the lead-up to the election. You may remember these unmasked Trumpsters as the same people currently perjuring themselves all over the White House carpets—the same people who were and are under an FBI investigation. So the Attorney General’s interest was not only warranted, but required. Full disclosure, I too am under an FBI investigation, but only because of my Nuke Sean Hannity website, which aims to reduce global fissile material, one Fox News anchor at a time.
[Click “Read More” for the full scandal spoiler alert]
Chicken & Waffling? Trump Rolls Back Threat To “Nuke Chicken Currently Stalking White House”
by Mick Zano •
Tweet Tower—President Trump ordered the giant chicken parked near the White House to “stand down, or risk a tweet and profanity storm not seen on this planet since Monday.” The chicken appears to be unfazed by the president’s threats and continues to loom menacingly nearby. Secretary of Defense General James Mattis told the Discord, “This situation is contained, so there is no nuclear option on the table. I believe the president was referring to a microwavable chicken nugget and a picnic table.” General Mattis later added, “This President is not a chicken hawk, but I’ll admit his comments are rather half-baked, and you should really try to avoid that with chicken. Speaking of which, if you can get salmonella from a chicken, why can’t you get chicken pox from a salmon? That always bothered me.”
An Inconvenient Truthiness? Don’t Let The Gore Hit You On The Ass On The Way Out
by Mick Zano •
Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller Spotted In Sam’s Club Buying Indictments In Bulk
by Mick Zano •
Rockville, MD—Special Prosecutor Bob Mueller was seen leaving a Sam’s Club in Rockville Maryland pushing a shopping cart full of indictments and subpoenas. An unnamed source believes the special counsel-led investigation has expanded to the automotive and hardware sections. In a rare public statement, Mueller told the Daily Discord, “I was thinking about going to Out-of-Office Max or Indictments-R-Us, but then I was I like, Fuck it, I need to get gas too.”
Can This Latest Intervention Save This Administration From Intellectual And Moral Ruin?
by Mick Zano •
Lego Releases New Mar-a-Lego Trump Box Set
by Mick Zano •
Lego Tower—President Trump and LEGO have joined forces to make American childhoods great again. Building enthusiasts of all ages will enjoy this new posh LEGO construction set. Rebuild what Trump built and feel the power and prestige of owning your own resort at Mar-a-Lego. Throw wild parties, drink a lot, gamble, play golf, grab female minifigures by the pussy (pussy accessory element sold separately). The Mar-a-Lego Resort is just the first of a series of Lego-Trump building sets. In 2018 LEGO plans to release the Trump Tower box set as well as the Trump Impeachment Hearings building set.
Three Men & A Baby: Does This Military Trio Grande Mark A New Beginning Or Bedtime For Bozo?
by Mick Zano •
Tweet Tower—With the addition of General Kelly as Chief of Staff there is now an established adult faction in the White House, but will it be enough to reign in President Ass-Clown Hitler? If these three Generals band together, they will have a considerable voice in this administration, but will it be enough to drown out the voices in the president’s head? This advice comes with a military skew, which is not ideal, but this trifecta clearly represents a new and final hope for the Trump Administration. Can this president’s inherent stupidity be controlled for any length of time? Will it even matter if the Mueller investigation bears any fruit? Speaking of which, this left/right scandal thing is never fair. When a rightwing scandal surfaces, liberals can never ask what did they know and when did they know it? because Republicans never know anything. Sad. Bigly.
