Free Speech for Those who Can Afford It

The Supreme Court Jokers
Dave Atsals

If you think the last presidential election was swayed by advertising and the almighty dollar (I donated a five spot), just wait to see what the future holds.  America’s Court Jesters, aka the Supreme Court, recently made a ruling that will change the face of politics forever—and not in a Botox, cheek-tuck kind of way.  These Jesters sing for the King and Queen with coats they borrowed from James Dean.  The SCOTUS decision allows corporations limitless advertisements for their handpicked candidates.  The move was actually defended by the likes of Mitch (cognitive age decline) McConnell.  “Our Democracy, Inc. depends upon free speech®, not just for some but for all.”

This is not free speech for all.  It’s a golden megaphone for the rich.  This country of the people, for the people, will now just buy the damn people.  Enters America, Inc.  After all, money talks and the Daily Discord doesn’t have any (your advertisement here).  If we did, we could back our hand chosen candidate with unlimited spending to spread his or her gospel.  With enough money we could have a President Zano or a King Shaman (Don’t worry, we’re not that crazy).  Heck, I could be the next Elvis with the right campaign manager.  Well, at least the old, fat sequin-covered version. 

Free speech is not the freedom to spend unlimited money to drown out all other voices.  That’s our job.  For example, Ron Paul was ignored by Fox News around election time, because he didn’t parrot their talking points. If they had championed him, he might have won.  Does a third party have a platform or any real chance in America?  If the Tea Party doesn’t get in line with the bat shit right, soon, the plug will be pulled.  And this huge movement will be marginalized and ignored, like Mick Zano.

Exxon Mobil has unlimited cash, therefore they have unlimited speech.  Dave Atsal’s has only $3.55 and a rickety bar stool from which to preach his common sense.  If Dave yells at the bar and then stumbles into the woods will anyone hear him fall? 

Post the SCOTUS decision, we’re going to have corporate puppets instead of public officials representing us. Thank you, Scalia, Thomas, Alito, and Kennedy for this.  The same Yahoos on the right yelling the loudest about fascism are backing the most fascist trends. 

Supporting my beliefs, Justice Stevens wrote “in context of the election to public office, the distinction between corporate and human speakers is significant.  They cannot vote or run for office.  Because they may be managed and controlled by nonresidents, their interests may conflict in fundamental respects with the interests of eligible voters.” 

Justice Scalia countered with this statement, “Release the flying monkeys!”

People have the right to speech, but corporations don’t. Sure, anyone has the right to say stuff in the good old US of A, but it doesn’t grant you an automatic platform. Hey, maybe I can have my bar stool raised?  I could expand my fiefdom of influence clear to the pool table.  Next time you walk downtown and hear that guy yelling “Sinner repent: the end is near,” you should stop and listen, because some similar nuts are now getting that golden megaphone (and it’s going to be very hard to keep walking).  The only thing worse than a religious nut shouting in your ear, is a corporate interest nut shouting in your ear.  Where’s my golden megaphone, damn it?  I want one.  Sure I’d hock the bitch to buy booze, but I’m a bad example (almost regardless of the subject matter). But does a Japanese company with some U.S. holdings (or for that matter a Chinese company holding most of the U.S.) have the same interest as you and I? 

Justice John Paul Stevens, appointed by Republican Gerald Ford, denounced the ruling as a dangerous rejection of common sense.

Stevens said, “While our democracy is imperfect, few outside the majority of this court would have thought its flaws included a dearth of corporate money in politics.” He continued, “the court’s ruling threatens to undermine the integrity of elected institutions across the nation.” 

I believe we could almost declare the winner of our next election now.  I can see it already…our next president King might be Rex W. Tillerson, head of Exxon Mobil.  Prop the bitch up and save us some time and headaches.  So Justices, get practicing on all of your cartwheels, juggling, and singing acts for the return of the king.  Oh, and according to a February Washington Post-ABC News poll, 85% of all Americans are opposed to this ruling.  Tell me those lobbyists aren’t already busy.

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