Discord Designs Non-evasive ‘Danger Identification Test’ To Determine Political Brain Function

Concern for our Republican friend’s ability to process information is growing throughout the scientific community. This is especially true when it comes to ones ability to identify dangers. Thanks to recent studies using MRI and brain scanning technology, science is getting ever closer to understanding the conservative brain. Too much Fox News viewing can result in an overly-worked and oversized amygdala. This important brain structure helps us identify dangers and is the part of the brain associated with survival instincts. Our perception of danger can become skewed with long term 24/7 news propaganda. A nonstop fear response results in excessive blood flow to this region that over time causes a form of political PTSD. Certain themes can trigger the amygdala shifting our perception from the mundane to the monstrous. This is why Fox-watching is now the fifth F of primal human behavior. Once the reptilian brain is activated many of the higher functions of the frontal lobes are overridden. Sound familiar? This can even happen in a polling booth. Take this simple test to see if your amygdala suffers from Fox Fatigue Syndrome (FFS). These questions get progressively harder and progressively more progressive. If at any point this test becomes too intense, turn on Fox News or your favorite AM radio station and bitch about border security, minorities or millennials before completing this important assessment tool.

Take this test today. You have the right to know!
This one should be easy! Which one of these two monsters represents something more dangerous?



How about these two? Hmmm. Let’s clear our amygdalas and think before answering.



How about now? This one is getting harder for some of you, isn’t it? Maybe you should take your amygdala for a nice walk in the park before answering.



This one should be easy, but is it?



Now this section of the assessment is more heavily weighted. This will help our team of professionals determine if you or a loved one suffers from FFS. Again, which one is more dangerous?



To get this question correct you really have to use the last million years of your cognitive evolutionary development, which may prove difficult for FFS sufferers.



Now for our feature presentation. Go ahead, give it a whirl! You’ll be glad you did!



This last one is actually just as easy as the others, unless you have an overly swollen amygdala stunting your ability to reason effectively. If that’s the case, you’re not alone; nearly four in ten Americans suffer from this silent neuronal killer. Don’t be a statistic and understand how to interpret statistics. Oh, and if you answered ‘True’ to any of these questions, it’s not that kind of a test, so the good news is you might not suffer from FFS, but you are an idiot. Thanks for playing!




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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.