FBI Headquarters—In honor of the Russia investigation turning one year old this week, Donald Trump sent the Special Counsel a birthday cake. The cake arrived at FBI headquarters Attention: Robert Mueller with a short handwritten note from the president. Fine, it was a tweet someone transcribed. The event confused the House Intelligence chairman, Devin Nunes, who doesn’t know which leak is up. He immediately called the move an “obstruction of frosting,” before leaking the recipe back to the Feds. A Trump tweet shortly followed from the president: “Hey, Nunes, wait for my lead! #Numbnuts.”
Tweet Tower—A new study from Trump University’s Center for Covering Up Public Affairs is showing a steep decline in fertility rates after the above nude image of the president surfaced on PinInstatweet. The inventor of the world wide web, Al Gore, said, “The release of this picture onto my precious inter-web actually broke the main pixilator, you know, the fuzzy spot generator thingie that hides all the naughty bits. So now all uploaded images will just show naked people until we can resolve this issue.”
Hollywood, CA—Actor George Hamilton was sold on eBay today for $895 after the ‘tannequin’ was converted into a leather recliner by the folks over at La-Z-Boy. There is still some controversy surrounding the event as even those closest to Mr. Hamilton are questioning whether this move was voluntary, involuntary, or just the “natural progression” of things.
Jerusalem, IL or PS?—President Trump is back in the spotlight after the unveiling of his new controversial embassy and casino in old-town Jerusalem. This marks the first embassy to have a casino, seven bars, 3080 rooms, an Olympic-sized pool, and gold toilets. Not only is the move stoking resentment from Palestinians, it has already triggered a lawsuit from Embassy Suites, who claim the name is copyrighted.
Big Island, HI—As thousands of residents flee their homes on Hawaii’s Big Island, state officials are moving to legal action. Hawaii has filed a class action lawsuit against the suspected culprit, Pele, the Goddess of Fire from their mythological pantheon. Many believe she is behind the recent array of unwarranted magma and earthquakes. Hawaii Civil Defense has come to a different conclusion. They report giant boulders being tossed around, massive ash plumes, toxic gases and dangerous lava flows that may have originated from a badly monitored luau.
In my blogvesary’s last article he offered timelines, fingerprints, tire tracks, 27 8×10 color glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, and DNA evidence to add to his mounting evidence that the FBI worked with the Clintons to create an ‘insurance policy’ to dethrone Trump, should ‘Murica ever be reckless enough to elect the ass-clown. Based on mounting evidence, this important ezine has sided with the Russia/collusion narrative and the work of the special counsel. Mr. McDooris’ last post posed only one key question: what was the specific evidence that triggered these dueling narratives? Admittedly, I spaced it …again. Shock Poll: No One Shocked By This. Fine, it was the result of a spontaneous protest triggered by a hateful anti-Muslim video that… oh, sorry, miles away.
Moscow, RU—The maid at the Moscow Ritz Carlton responsible for cleaning Trump’s room the morning after his infamous ‘golden envoy’ incident has died under mysterious circumstances. The hotel employee of seven years is believed to have reached out to Special Counsel Robert Mueller last week in an email. Shortly thereafter she was exposed to a deadly nerve agent and apparently fell from the hotel’s top floor. Moscow City Police have labeled the death, ‘Meh’.
My last article promised ‘objective facts’ on the Russia probe and, as my blogvesary rightly pointed out, I failed to deliver. After a couple of brewskis and pizza, my intro-rant became the length of a typical feature. Wit happens. Whereas bashing the Republican mindset is an important pastime of mine. Collecting and explaining endless facts in a post-truth world is listing heavily toward the vain side of futile. How do we review all of Mueller’s 49 topics of inquiry as broke by the NYTs last leak? On a related note, I started this post 49 times myself, but this is an ever-changing subject …or is it ‘target’ now? Who can keep up with Trump’s misdeeds and antics? Who would want to? Will Mueller or Stormy’s lawyer takedown ass-clown first? My fellow blogger has the solution: just ignore reality and infuse more Hannity. Essential boils? But, hey, if this Discord article doesn’t arrive at your door, hot, steamy and loaded with ‘objective facts’, it’s free! …and probably means I’m loaded myself. Obstruction of Drunkness?
Tweet Tower—With the news that Rudy Giuliani’s own lawyer has placed a retainer for his own lawyer, essentially Trump’s lawyer’s lawyer’s lawyer now has a lawyer. We’re not really sure. The Discord has posed the question to both Sir Richard Dawkins and that Asian guy with the white wavy hair, but to no avail. Our own mathematical guru, Dr. Sterling Hogbein, agreed to take a stab at it: “This answer lies somewhere in the realm of polyattorneyal theoretical mathematics, and if this need derived from the Stormy Daniels’ situation, it would also be considered a sexponential number, like 69.”
Middle-Jersey—Rumor grew of a shadow in the East, whispers of a feckless tweet #yada yada. Meanwhile, in a Starbucks in Glen Ridge, New Jersey, the last of the ‘Resistance’ gathered and agreed to schlep the One Subpoena to the very shadow of Trump Tower. Yeah, good luck with that with bridge and tunnel traffic!