Now To Crush My Friend Pokey’s Hopes, Dreams and Aspirations

I actually enjoyed your last post, Pokey. After all, republican moments of lucidity are becoming increasingly rare, like trans fats. My concern is how you keep missing the main points of our time. You intend to vote R in 2016, yet you’ve failed to notice how the likes of Donald Trump has your party slated for extinction? Mastodonalds?  Oh, I see your point, Donald Trump: the “family values” candidate. The Republican Party is no more, my friend. It has expired and gone to meet its Super PAC. It’s voted out its mortal coil, run over the polling station and joined the bleedin’ choir intolerant!! …THIS  is an Ex-Party!!

Actually, I’m enjoying the whole Trump-thing. Anything that brings the toxins to the surface is telling, so call me the Toxic Avenger. Any faction that would back such a jackass has no place in our society’s future, unless we are choosing not to have one, which seems a tad fatalistic to me, like trans fats.

“The polarization of which Zano speaks is the direct cause of the Democrats. Remember Obamacare? Obamacare was a polarizing legislation. The Democrats did not seek Republican cooperation because they didn’t need Republicans to get it passed.”

—Pokey McDooris

Huh? History will beg to differ. By the time Obamacare came around, republicans had already made it abundantly clear that they would not support any of his initiatives, good, bad, or ugly. High Plains Legislator?

[Spaghetti west wing joke omitted by the editor]

Review time for that Republican left behind:

President Obama started his administration by seeking out republicans and even political rivals for his cabinet. He kept a conservative Secretary of Defense and hired his political rival as the Secretary of State. He did this because he wanted a Lincoln-style administration.

For those who think Lincoln was a republican:

“Around the time of the Civil War the poltical platforms switched. If you really think you were the type of people fighting for civil rights pre-Lincoln, uh, you folks are more delusional than I thought.”

—Mick Zano

Sadly, while the Obamas started stuffing their belongings into some Chicago U-Haul, the Senate Minority Leader announced, “Our first priority is to make Barack Obama a one term president.” Mitch McConnell announced this amidst a republican caused global economic collapse and two republican muddled land wars. Remember?

Obama should have scraped the whole garnering-support-from-crazy-people thing (GSCPT). He should have done this by year two. Did you see the Stewart/Obama interview? Obama tried to address this “absurd obstructionism,” but it’s too late. He should have called the traitors to the carpet long ago. If there’s any Obama weakness, it lies there.

Republicans were never going to accept his leadership, or even the legitimacy of his presidency. The GOP doesn’t garner support from Dems, even when they’re sabotaging something most Americans want (see: Iran Deal, or Obamacare, or sensible gun laws, or American Idol 2007). I still believe Sanjaya! Hell, they even blocked an appointment that would have gotten Eric Holder out of office sooner. Cognitive Dissidents? Obama underestimated just how sick republicans had become, so to say he should have just listened to their concerns and hoped they’d just fall into line at some point is like saying, “Yeah, Hannibal, just leave that FBI lady alone and here’s a coupon for Sizzler.”

The main four points from Pokey’s last post:

The First Pokey Commandment:

Every individual is endowed at conception by their Creator with unalienable rights!

I am not ignoring the abortion issue, this time, but I believe it warrants a separate post. Part of the reason I’ve ignored this subject for so long is 1. I don’t have a uterus…well, until the operation, and: 2. this is a comedy site, dude.


The 2nd Pokey Commandment:

Reproduction is an essential element of sexuality and sexuality is an essential element of marriage

Pokey fears our depraved world is losing its way, which is hard to argue with. When civilizations finally climb out of the field or the sweatshop we tend to see a major bump in the bumping. Every society that reaches a certain level of prosperity, since Sumer, starts partying like it’s 999. Sumer loving? Endless Sumer? I’ll stop. Again, there are thousands of reasons for our ongoing moral decay, yet you remain fixated only on your few pet causes. As for those pet causes, I think it’s time to call the ASPCA.

“Flopsy’s dead, and never called me mother.”

—Graham Chapman

One-in-ten mammals happen to be gay, including Graham Chapman. Sorry, Pokey, but after liberal teachers encourage everyone to screw everything that moves, K-12, that number will likely remain one-in-ten. Wait, which program is that Common Whore or No Child’s Behind Left? I forget…but a widespread effort to encourage Johnny to sexually experiment with Tommy is anusdotal at best. Sorry.

This is really about your attraction me, isn’t it? It’s okay, Pokey, don’t repress. Just call me. Dave Pa’s coming over in a couple of weeks, so maybe we can make it a threesome. OMG! That’s disgusting! Maybe you’re right about this stuff. Image must go, image must go…

I concede this argument.


The 3rd Pokey Commandment:

The traditional family is the microcosmic cell of the macrocosmic society!

“The traditional family precedes civilization. It is the atomic bases upon which the molecular society rests, blah, blah, blah.”

—Pokey McDooris

I am not in disagreement with this. Hell, back in the day Pokey and I both worked with many fatherless families and the results were clear. I think your answer to this problem, another inquisition, is not going to be horribly effective.

Prison reform is one potential answer—one that could actually improve family dynamics. How about we honestly address cultural trauma? How about we address actual economic mobility in this country? How about we discuss our disparities of wealth? How about we don’t lock up every black person loitering with a joint? How about we don’t drag black women out of their cars for failing to use a blinker? Well, in the cops defense, she won’t do that again.

How about we stop throwing the book at non-violent offenders of any race? In fact, why don’t we hire them and promote them and give them a livable wage? Oh, that’s right, Dems are trying to do just that. Wow, actually supporting families when they’re alive! What a concept. With effective prison-reform some fathers may actually be around to raise their children—admittedly, not all of them, but it’s a start. Your solution to saving morality through Thou Shalt Hide the Playboy Mags will be as effective as any other solution from your side of the pew.


The 4th Pokey Commandment:

Freedom of conscience is an essential constitutional liberty!

“This essential liberty is increasingly under attack. Christians are being forced by the federal government to shut down blah, blah, blah.”

—Pokey Mcdooris

I have been clear on this. I support a civil union recognized by the government, not the redefining of your religious tenants. This balancing act between rights and religious freedom is a tenuous one. My take here.

Where is the list of places forced to shut down and what are the actual circumstances? If any meat existed in such scenarios, they would become Drudge headlines. Remember your side is very reactionary and delusional.

To put this into perspective:

For Matt Drudge to link to something he needs less actual meat than a McDonald’s value menu. So why is even the batshit right avoiding these stories? That doesn’t make any sense, unless you are slightly right of crazy. I suggest you scrutinize the stories that spew from your side of the aisle and keep in mind most of it turns out to be crapola. Similarly, when Sean Hannity brought five people on to his show “whose lives were ravaged by Obamacare,” none of the five stories turned out to be accurate, here.

Sorry, but I’ve given enough “specifics” over the years, Pokey. If you can’t watch Fox News for five minutes and connect the dots, we’re going to need to order some bigger dots. At this point The GOP is not restorable. If we see a republican in the White House in 2016, we will see wars and economic crashes in short order. I guess that’s supposed to help that traditional radioactively-mutated family of yours.

Republicans are simply not safe to successfully navigate the world community. The reality that you haven’t noticed this fact—as a reasonably intelligent person—is part of the problem. You’re being duped by dopes. If you recall, I was expressing the need for a GOP reform over a decade ago and you’re now just mentioning it in post from last week? I’m afraid, we don’t have time to play catch up. Our country—heck, our world— doesn’t have that kind of time. We need a Republican Reformation more sorely than a Muslim one, but I see little likelihood of either. Kidding, eventually we’ll have a Muslim Reformation.


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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.